


Upward Spiral

by mizzshy



Series: Upward Spiral [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Car Chases, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Established Relationship, Exhaustion, F/M, Fist Fights, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Homesickness, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Mafia AU, Major Character Injury, Multi, Murder, Nightmares, Noodle Incidents, On the Run, Polyamory, Reunions, Road Trips, Shooting, Shooting Guns, Smut, Theft, Trauma, Whump, versatile polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-07-05 13:50:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15864885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzshy/pseuds/mizzshy
Summary: Having had to flee Almaty, Yuri, Otabek and JJ find themselves on the road to their last resort: Saint Petersburg. They're hoping for safety, but when the journey there reveals some secrets, and their time there even more, can they withstand the troubles coming their way?





	1. Part 1, Chapter 1: No one can tell us we're wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm really excited and a little nervous to post this as it's been in progress for a really long time! June last year I wrote some Pride Month fics, one of which is called 'Left or Right?' - I had a vague notion to continue the story and when I asked readers if they would read a continuation the answer was a resounding yes so here is the continuation! I really really hope you all enjoy this story!

**Part 1: Upward**

**Chapter 1: No one can tell us we're wrong**

 

As the early morning sun continues to rise, JJ can't keep his eyes from drifting near constantly to the fuel gauge on his dashboard. He's a good driver – he knows he is – and for a sporty model his car is surprisingly fuel efficient, but it's been hours of nothing but driving and the tank wasn't full when they left (plus he still has dried blood on his arms and the smell clings inside the car, neither of which is exactly ideal). Doing his best to put his worries aside for the present moment, he tells himself not to panic about it until he absolutely must.

Of course, that's the moment the fuel light comes on.

JJ sighs and throws a quick look over his shoulder – it's not entirely necessary to be so quick when the roads are all but empty, but he's in the habit of keeping his eyes on the road (and that's probably why he usually drives). Seeing Otabek lift his head in the rear view mirror, JJ nods to the dashboard.

“We're going to have to stop soon,” he says. “Really soon if we want to be cautious.”

He sees Otabek glance down at Yuri again. “Yeah, probably a good idea.”

“Where's the next town?” asks JJ. “Like, actual town, not farmhouse.”

Otabek checks his phone. “Come off the main road in about five minutes and go to Sastobe.”

“Okay...” JJ checks his mirrors and drifts over a lane.

“Do you think he'll wake up?” asks Otabek.

“Maybe,” says JJ. “He might be so tired he doesn't.”

In the rear view mirror, JJ sees Otabek brush Yuri's hair from his eyes. He estimates it must have been nearly seven hours since they fled Almaty, about six and a half since Yuri passed out from sheer exhaustion, and he knows even without looking exactly how Yuri looks: a little frown on his sleeping face, hair matted and blood still streaking his skin. If nothing else, JJ wants Yuri to be able to clean up and sleep somewhere more comfortable than the back seat of his car. For that matter, JJ needs to sleep too (if he can) – the road ahead has been occasionally blurring for the last hour or so and his eyes are starting to ache. Otabek probably should get to a bed too. Soon, with a sigh of relief, he takes the Sastobe exit and gets off the main road.

They manage to find a petrol station and JJ pulls up outside it, shoulders tensing as he cuts the engine. There's no sound from the back seat: Yuri stays asleep and Otabek seems to hold his breath. After a minute, Otabek nods at JJ to go ahead. JJ is as quick as he can be about it, filling and paying (stopping for a piss and to wash his hands and arms before he does so) and getting back in the front seat in a few short minutes. Once he's back in, he looks over his shoulder.

Yuri is sitting up, wearing JJ's jacket properly now and pressing himself close into Otabek's side. One of Otabek's arms is curled tightly around him while Otabek scrolls through his phone, a frown of concentration on his square face.

“You okay Yura?” JJ asks – the silence is suffocating in the confined space of the car and he can't help himself. Yuri fixes him with a wide-eyed stare; JJ's never seen a face so haunted. Of course it was a stupid question – he wants to kick himself.

“There's a motel a few streets away,” says Otabek, looking up from his phone.

“Is that a good idea?” asks Yuri, voice hoarse. His knuckles are white from gripping Otabek's t-shirt and his eyes flick rapidly between all the car windows. “What if... if...”

“It's okay,” says JJ. “It'll be okay – we got out of there.”

Yuri looks about to say something but jumps and lets out a little yelp when the car behind them honks, apparently impatient to get to the pump. With a growled profanity, JJ turns back around and starts the car, pulling out of the station rather faster than necessary. From behind him, he hears Otabek speaking soothingly to Yuri.

“It's okay,” he says. “Just someone in a hurry – nothing to worry about.” He raises his voice to speak to JJ again. “Take the next right, then the third left. Motel should be on the corner.”

JJ follows the instructions, aware of the shaking of his hands and that he needs to keep it in check for Yuri's sake if no one else's. It's not like he would like to admit it but the car honking so suddenly unsettled him too. Mercifully, Otabek's sense of direction is fantastic as always and they soon pull up outside the motel. Cutting the engine, JJ turns to look at the others again.

“Shall we?”

Otabek glances at Yuri, still wearing JJ's jacket (and not much else) and clinging to him. If they're going to get out, Yuri needs clothes, and JJ knows neither he nor Otabek is going to make him put the bloodstained trousers and top back on. Hoping that he's been as lazy as he suspects, JJ gets out of the car again and opens the boot. He's never been so happy to see his ratty old gym bag in his life before – a hallelujah chorus practically plays in his head. The workout clothes inside are sweaty, he knows, but at least they're something. When he gets back in the car, he passes the bag to Otabek.

“We've got to stop,” Otabek assures Yuri. His tone is firm but soft and the arm around Yuri is protective. “You need to sleep. JJ needs to sleep. I need to sleep. They won't find us.”

“But they will,” mumbles Yuri, shoulders trembling. His eyebrows are drawn down low over his green eyes and his stare is fixed on the back of the driver's seat. Instinctively, JJ reaches out with one hand, stroking his thumb gently along Yuri's cheekbone and then down along his jaw. By Yuri's side, Otabek takes his hand and squeezes it.

“We promise you it'll be okay,” says JJ. He knows he can't actually promise that: they could have been followed and anything could still happen. But he's never seen Yuri look so empty before. Their Yuri is feisty, fiery, absolutely unapologetic, and JJ's heart aches to see him like this. “We're here Yura – you know we won't let anything happen to you.”

Yuri takes a shaky breath, holding tighter onto Otabek with one hand and lifting the other to cup the back of JJ's hand on his face. They stay like that for a long moment, unmoving and breathing, until eventually Yuri sighs.

“Fine,” he says, letting go of both of them and reaching for the gym bag.

“I'll go get us a room,” says Otabek. He opens the door and gets stiffly out – JJ suspects that he partly offered to go so he can try and get some feeling back into his butt (and also possibly to pee). Meanwhile,Yuri opens JJ's bag and pulls out the clothes inside.

“Sorry – they're not clean,” says JJ, but Yuri shakes his head.

“S'fine,” he says, shrugging out of his jacket and pulling on the muscle shirt. As Yuri wriggles into the bottoms, JJ feels his stomach twist at the sight of the bruises and scratches on his arms under the blood. When Yuri silently offers his jacket back, he shakes his head.

“Keep it,” he says, and Yuri pulls it back on. Hopefully they can get access to some first aid supplies.

Or maybe some booze.

On second thoughts, maybe not booze.

The front passenger door opens and Otabek climbs back in. “Got us a room,” he announces. “Just for the rest of today and tonight.”

“Thanks,” says JJ, breathing a sigh of relief – he wasn't sure if there would be trouble from the reception. “How did you pay?”

“Cash, but it's cleared me out,” replies Otabek. “We shouldn't use card – they might be able to track us. What do you have?”

JJ winces. “Not much,” he admits. Otabek's right: they definitely shouldn't use card. What else can they do?

“I've got some,” says Yuri. When the other two turn to look at him with raised eyebrows, he reaches down into the footwell and produces a leopard-print backpack that JJ vaguely remembers seeing when he found Yuri last night, shoving it into the front seat between them. Otabek balances it between the gearstick and handbrake before opening the zip. Eyes growing wide, he freezes.

“Yura... What the fuck...”

JJ reaches over, opening the bag properly to reveal bundles of banknotes, so many he can't count them, and feels himself gaping.

“What... what is all this?” he asks, turning his gaze on Yuri.

“I took it,” explains Yuri. “When I... ran. I...” He clenches one shaking fist. “I thought it might be useful.”

JJ's stomach twists again. He doesn't want to raise the point that his money paints a huge – well, a _more_ huge – target on their backs but at the same time... it's dangerous.

“We should go inside,” says Otabek, zipping the backpack shut and passing it to Yuri. He wastes no time in getting out of the car and JJ sees a flash of something flit across Yuri's face before he takes up the backpack and JJ's gym bag and gets out too. With one last quick look around to check that he hasn't parked like a dick, JJ follows suit and the three of them make their way upstairs.

The room is basic, obviously: a double bed, some cheap furniture and a tiny en suite shower room with a stained shower tray and limescale-encrusted taps. JJ doesn't care – he deadbolts the door and sits heavily on the foot of the bed. While Yuri disappears into the bathroom, Otabek pulls shut the thin curtains, casting a quick glance out of the window as he does so.

“How are you doing?” asks JJ. It's kind of a stupid question (well, another) but he's very aware that both their focuses have been on Yuri for a while and he wants to make sure Otabek is okay.

Otabek looks over at him and half nods. “Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just... Shit, everything's so crazy and you drove literally all night and you're asking how _I'm_ doing,” Otabek says, collapsing into a creaky armchair with a heavy sigh. They hear the toilet flush and water running. Otabek's gaze stays on the door as he asks, “Did you see his arms and his chest?”

JJ nods. “They really did a number on him.”

His heart surges with the most desperate desire to shield Yuri, to protect him and keep him from harm. In the armchair, Otabek clenches his fists JJ knows he's thinking the same. Of course, it's too late for that now. Eventually, the lock squeaks open and Yuri emerges. He's cleaned his skin, sloughed off the dried blood, and sorted his hair out using the comb from JJ's gym bag. He looks exhausted but at least more like himself.

“The water runs kind of brown when you first turn on the tap,” he warns. “Just let it carry on for a bit.” He looks between the two of them, mouth tilting suspiciously. “What's wrong?”

JJ shakes his head. “Nothing.”

“We were talking about where to go from here,” says Otabek.

Crossing to the bed, Yuri crawls onto it and curls up against the headboard, both JJ and Otabek turning to look at him. “And where's that?”

“Well, do you remember when I... when we met up?” asks JJ, to a nod from Yuri. “You mentioned Saint Petersburg and a guy called Viktor.”

Yuri's shoulders rise, his frown slackening and eyes briefly widening. “And?”

“Well we've got no other ideas,” admits JJ. “So we thought this Viktor might be the best option.”

“Why?” asks Yuri. JJ isn't entirely sure what the look on Yuri's face says but it's not good.

“You said he'd know what to do,” explains JJ.

Yuri shifts, wrapping his arms around his legs so that his chin rests on his knees. “We really don't have any other options?”

JJ shakes his head as Otabek says, “What's wrong Yura?”

Yuri half shrugs. “It's... not the worst plan,” he concedes, “or it wouldn't be, just... we parted on some pretty bad terms and I don't know how happy he'd be to see me again.”

They all fall silent and JJ wonders for possibly the thousandth time that day who Viktor even is. With this new revelation, would it be more sensible to seek an alternative?

“But if that's the only plan we've got then we should go for it,” adds Yuri.

“You sure?” Otabek asks.

Yuri nods slowly. “Can't be worse than going anywhere else and honestly I don't care. As long as we're together.”

He reaches for JJ with one hand, the other pointing towards Otabek. As Otabek gets up and crosses to the bed, JJ shuffles up it and settles next to Yuri, leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips. When Otabek joins them, Yuri breaks the kiss and turns his head to kiss him too, and JJ laces his fingers with Otabek's, Yuri's hand folding around the hold as they lie back on the bed. The mattress has seen better days; from years of romantic and less than romantic encounters, sleepless nights and long days, the springs have lost their original integrity, and JJ can feel one pressing into his hip as he curls around the other two. It's nothing like their own bed, a wide king with a foam mattress, and JJ feels a fleeting pang when he realises they'll probably never see it again, but it doesn't matter now. Everything important is here, breathing with him on this old, shitty mattress, and if the rest of his life is spent on mattresses just as shitty, he'll gladly take it as long as he shares them with these two most wonderful men he's ever known. He has just enough energy left to sit up and kiss Otabek's lips too over Yuri's shoulder before he sinks heavily down again and falls into a dead slumber.

When JJ wakes later, he finds Yuri gazing silently at him, green eyes wide and head resting on his arm. JJ reaches towards him with one slow hand, stroking his blond hair off his face. If it weren't for the incredibly hard mattress and lingering smell of damp, JJ might almost believe they were back home in Almaty.

“Hey,” he says groggily, pulling Yuri in for a quiet kiss. “What time is it?”

“About half four,” says Yuri. “Otabek went out to get stuff ten minutes ago.”

“Stuff?”

“Food, clothes,” replies Yuri. He shifts closer to JJ, cuddling into his chest. JJ puts his arm around Yuri and rests his chin on Yuri's head as Yuri's hand rests on his hip. Yuri's skin is warm to the touch – JJ feels almost cold from the lack of movement and snuggles Yuri to him like a hot water bottle. Yuri shifts in his arms. “Good sleep?”

“I think so,” says JJ. “You?”

JJ feels Yuri hesitate before muttering, “Not really.”

“No?” JJ can't keep the worry from his tone.

Yuri shakes his head. “Kept seeing his face.”

“Oh Yura...” JJ whispers. He drops kisses in Yuri's hair – he's not sure what else to do, only knows that he wants to take away Yuri's pain. If he could take all of it on himself and leave Yuri without ant of the hurt and fear he's going through, he'd do it in a heartbeat. As it is, all he can do is try and help Yuri through it. He rubs his hands over Yuri's back, hoping that it soothes, and trails his kisses down Yuri's forehead, over his eyelids, across his cheekbones, eventually kissing his lips. “I'm sorry,” he says between kisses. “I'm sorry I wasn't there.”

“Don't be,” says Yuri. “You've nothing to be sorry for.”

Yuri's fingers come up to tangle in JJ's hair and JJ lets Yuri pull him close. The kiss grows more searching, more fervent, and JJ almost gets swept away. Almost – when Yuri's legs tangle with his own and he feels Yuri slide a hand down his torso, JJ pulls his lips reluctantly away.

“Not right now kitten,” he says softly, leaving one last kiss on the tip of Yuri's nose. “I love you but this isn't the right time.”

Yuri glares at him and turns over, facing away from him. The younger JJ wouldn't be able to deal with such rejection and would likely badger Yuri into irritation. As it is, JJ slowly sits up and sighs, patting Yuri fondly on the shoulder as he gets off the bed.

 

When Otabek gets back, they clean themselves up and change into the clothes he got before eating and drinking. Yuri stays silent, frowning to himself. The food tastes like cardboard, feels like cotton wool and his stomach is a pit. JJ's trying hard to help, Yuri knows, as is Otabek, but part of him wonders without thought or word if he'll ever feel even slightly normal again, when his insides feel like they're gnawing at themselves. So far nothing he's tried has helped quell it – and he's still pissed that JJ foiled one plan. He wants to try again but when they curl up in the bed together again to sleep through the night and he catches JJ's eyes, he holds back. Obviously he only wants to distract himself so why can't they just _let_ him? Despite himself, he does manage to fall asleep, only to wake again an hour later, his mind full of blood and screaming and eyes watching him. He spends the rest of the night dozing fitfully and muffling sobs into a hard pillow.

They set off early the next morning, Otabek behind the wheel at his own insistence and JJ with Yuri in the back. As they leave Sastobe and get back onto the main road, Yuri gazes at the horizon out of the front windscreen. His eyelids feel heavy and as he leans against JJ he thinks he might be able to drift off again, but then he feels JJ turn his head before leaning forward.

“ _Otya_ ,” he says urgently. Yuri's eyes snap open and he stares up at JJ. “Check the rear view mirror.”

Yuri watches Otabek's gaze flick to the mirror and his shoulders stiffen. “Shit.”

“What?” asks Yuri. when both JJ and Otabek remain silent for a long moment, he sits up a little straighter. “What's going on?”

JJ looks over his shoulder out of the back window. “There's someone following us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Love is a Battlefield](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0EysM1iNMk) \- Pat Benatar


	2. Part 1, Chapter 2: 'Cause none of us were angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all - I realised I didn't mention my upload schedule for this last week: I'm uploading this weekly, with an extra week between parts.
> 
> I rewrote large chunks of this chapter compared to the original draft and it made me sad...

**Part 1: Upward**

**Chapter 2: 'Cause none of us were angels**

Ice drops into Yuri's gut.

“ _What_?!” he repeats, voice cracking on the single syllable. He turns to look, wild-eyed, out of the back window, to see a sleek black car following behind them. JJ's car has tinted windows throughout the back, so Yuri has to squint a little to get a better look at the guys in the front seat.

“Do you recognise them?” Otabek asks.

“I'm not sure,” says JJ. “But I suggest we haul ass.”

Yuri isn't certain he can place their faces either, especially when Otabek hits the accelerator and the distance between the cars grows.

 _Please don't follow_ , Yuri prays silently. _Please please please._

But then the bottom falls out of Yuri's stomach when the car speeds up to meet them again.

“ _Fuck_ ,” JJ hisses. “Otabek, keep going, Yuri get down...”

He lunges forward, reaching under the driver's seat to retrieve a handgun.

“Jesus JJ, when the _fuck_ did you get that?!” Yuri asks as JJ checks the ammo.

“Doesn't matter right now,” replies JJ, rolling down his window. “Just get down!”

Everything seems to go into slow motion. As JJ cocks the gun, Yuri does as he's told and throws himself down flat to the seat. The first shot explodes into sound and Yuri hears his reactive scream through the ringing in his ears. At the sound of the second, Yuri throws his arms over his head, face pressed into the leather of the seats and images flashing behind his eyelids: reaching hands, a face far too close, scarlet spatters of blood. The images get more vivid as more distant gunfire sounds from the other vehicle. Their car swerves horribly – with no sense of direction from his position, Yuri fears they've been turned around, but then two more quick shots ring out and he hears JJ give a quiet sound of victory above him.

“I got them, floor it!”

Otabek does so and JJ pulls himself back in the window. As he rolls it back up, Yuri slowly sits up and looks out of the back window to see the rapidly disappearing tableau of the two dudes looking at their car with faces like thunder. The front of the car is low – clearly JJ was only aiming to disable their vehicle and went for the front tyres. Yuri feels a fleeting sense of relief – until one of the men raises a gun towards them.

“Get down!” he yells to both JJ and Otabek. Grabbing JJ by the shoulders, he pushes him down as Otabek flattens himself to the steering wheel and turns it forcefully. The car lurches again and Yuri hears the shot buzz past it, but he keeps a tight hold on JJ, keeps them both pressed flat to the seat as they continue to speed away. JJ pulls Yuri close, holding him to his chest, and only then does Yuri realise they're both shaking.

“Otabek are you okay?” JJ asks. He's still holding the gun – Yuri can feel the weight of it against his back and he longs to inch away from it so he can stop his skin crawling. There's a sensation in the back of his throat like he needs to vomit, made worse by the motion of the car.

“I'm fine,” calls Otabek over his shoulder. “We need to get somewhere and do something about the car.”

“What about the car?” asks JJ.

“We have to get rid of it.” Otabek's tone is firm – Yuri knows his jaw must be set in that way it is when he's determined about something. “As soon as possible.”

“What?” JJ asks plaintively. “We can't get rid of the car!”

“We'll get a different one,” replies Otabek. “They've seen us in this one now. It's too risky to keep it.”

“But she drives so well!” says JJ. Yuri feels JJ's hand on his back twitch, shifting the gun, and stiffens.

“Seriously?” Otabek half shouts. “It's a _car_ , JJ!”

“Yes, a very _nice_ car,” JJ protests, “which I spent a lot of money on!”

“Is this car seriously more important to you than our continued safety?”

“Of course not! I'm just saying there must be another way!”

“There's no easier way – if we really want to be safe we should burn it.”

“You are _not_ burning my car!”

“JESUS CHRIST JJ CAN YOU PUT THE FUCKING GUN DOWN PLEASE?!”

Yuri almost screams the words, barely realising he has until the ensuing silence falls over them. His trembling hands have found their way onto his head again and his face is half buried in JJ's chest, the t-shirt damp under his cheeks. A clunk sounds as JJ drops the gun in the footwell and Yuri feels his hands on his back.

“I'm sorry Yura,” JJ says. Yuri doesn't say anything – he knows if he does he'll start to sob and be unable to stop. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”

It takes a long time for the shaking to stop. Otabek keeps driving, going at high speed along the huge main road, and neither he nor JJ says anything more. Yuri stays silent too, losing track of time as they carry on. He falls asleep, or at least he thinks he does; at one point he feels more than hears JJ talking to Otabek again but the words are unclear, as though coming to him through a thick blanket. Soon after, the car comes to a stop and Yuri feels a warm hand caressing the side of his face.

“Hey,” says Otabek softly, voice tickling in Yuri's ear. “Come on sleepyhead.”

Yuri opens his eyes to see Otabek crouching over him in the back seat. He's still lying on JJ and sits up slowly, feeling his head swimming a little as he gets back to being vertical. There's a heaviness in his stomach, a gnawing that keeps him from looking at JJ properly. Instead, he turns his gaze on Otabek.

“Where are we?” he asks.

“Babykurgan,” says Otabek. “A little north of Turkistan. Figured this would be less conspicuous than going there.”

Yuri nods. “If you say so.” His voice sounds dry, scratchy.

“We're going to trade in the car,” says JJ, and Yuri finally looks at him, a sidelong glance more than a proper look that he ends quickly. “We can get something more low-key.”

“So you got your head out of your butt then?” asks Yuri, to a muted chuckle from both JJ and Otabek.

“I did,” says JJ. “I'm also getting rid of the gun.”

The mention of the gun brings a fresh wave of nausea into Yuri's throat and all he can do in response is shakily nod. Soon they get out of the car: Yuri finds himself following JJ and Otabek around two dealerships (one to sell JJ's car for cash and another to get a new one, both of which he would class as semi-shady at best) while the other two sort out the details and discuss vehicles, trying to pick one out. By the time they leave, in a second-hand people carrier with a stick figure family sticker in the back window, with all their stuff moved over from one car to the other, it's early afternoon and they venture back to Turkistan for food. The rest of the day is fitful: neither JJ nor Otabek wants to drive any further today (and Yuri driving isn't even considered) so they find a shopping mall with a small cinema and secret themselves away inside. As evening draws in, they get more supplies and Otabek drives to a field near a farm a way outside the city for the night. It's too risky for motels – they can't face it today and it's easier this way. Yuri lies awake on the flattened back seats, JJ and Otabek either side of him like last night, and stares through the sunroof at the starry sky.

Everything since leaving Almaty feels like a blur of fear and narrowly avoiding throwing up. Yuri knows that in the future – assuming they all make it out of this alive – he won't be able to remember one day from the next. It doesn't help that even with everything else going on, Yuri's brain seems determined to keep going back to that last night in Almaty, as though the scenes are being played on a projector on the back wall of his mind. The projector keeps going in the background, waiting for Yuri's attention to return to it, despite everything Otabek and JJ are doing to try and distract him. Not only that, but Yuri feels like he can still hear it all underneath everything else, like static on a badly tuned radio. The relative silence doesn't help – with just JJ and Otabek breathing softly either side of him, the world is too quiet and leaves too much space for Yuri to think in.

In the darkness of the car, the memories from the last few days wash over Yuri. He sinks into them like icy water, shuddering as minutely as he can so as not to wake the others. When he stops like this and lets himself remember, his breath catches in his throat and he can feel hands on him, hot breath on his skin and that desperate fear that made him reach for the gun. Part of him asks himself if he should have done it, reminds him that if he hadn't they would still be in Almaty, but then...

Yuri blinks away tears, covering his mouth and gasping into his fingers. No, the alternative was _not_ an alternative. If he'd let it happen, it would never have stopped.

_You're into cucking, right? I mean you have two boyfriends._

It's the one part he's been trying to block out the most: more than the struggle, the feeling of his skin coming up black and blue and red, the continual cry of _no_ in his own mouth. Can he really claim innocence? Surely it was his own fault in the first place?

_Please – no! It's not like that._

A sob stalls on his tongue, swallowed down, followed by another and another, until he feels like he's drowning in them. With JJ and Otabek either side, he can't slip from the car and get some air without waking them – and yes, they probably planned it that way to make sure he was safe and no, he's not complaining... but he can't even breathe right now. He wants to get out and scream, punch something, smash things, break down into the helpless sobs he's been fighting since JJ found him. As it is, all he can do is lie here and try not to fall apart.

They wake at the crack of dawn the following morning and JJ gets behind the wheel as soon as he's awake enough. They have to keep moving.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Speeding Cars](https://youtu.be/HYQxSxrdbXI) \- Imogen Heap


	3. Part 1, Chapter 3: Hi, I'm Icarus, I'm falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My week this week has been a bit of a disaster but I really hope you all enjoy this. Warning: things get a little steamy in this chapter!

**Part 1: Upward**

**Chapter 3: Hi, I'm Icarus, I'm falling**

Thankfully, the next day brings with it a largely uneventful drive. With a stop for fuel along the way and a couple of comfort breaks, they make it to Yrgyz by nightfall. They're all stiff and desperate to pee but the tedium of the day is comforting in a way: the most exciting thing that happens all day is when they pass a horse-drawn cart with a farmer and three wilful goats inside. Nevertheless, they still don't feel safe enough and so they find a secluded street and park up there to sleep.

Their approach to the Russian border at Yaysan is quiet, both in and out of the car. It's a miracle really – this customs office is notoriously busy and slow usually – but it's difficult to feel hugely elated. There's a tension in Otabek's shoulders that never truly left but now he feels it more acutely. He knows there shouldn't be a problem – the first thing he grabbed when JJ called him back in Almaty were the passports, and JJ buried the gun in wet cement when they passed a building site near Turkistan – but part of him is still on edge. The silence from the back seat doesn't help either.

“One of you please say something,” he says as the border control buildings and barriers come into sight.

“Uh...” JJ leans forward to look out of the front windscreen. “Are either of you guys worried they might do random cavity searches?”

“Why are you like this?” asks Yuri with an audible glower.

Otabek slows into the customs lanes. “And now I regret ever asking for less silence.”

“Sorry,” JJ says, and Yuri gives a quiet grumble.

When Otabek winds down his window and hands their passports over to the large surly man who approaches, all three of them fall silent again. They watch the man examine each in turn and then look back at the three of them. It seems as though he's about to say something but then a colleague calls to him in Kazakh and he hands back the passports, waving them through distractedly. Otabek drives through the raised barrier, almost holding his breath until they're completely through.

“What did he say?” asks JJ. “That wasn't Russian right?”

“No,” says Yuri. “It was Kazakh.”

“Otya?”

JJ's grasp of Russian is still a little rudimentary at times: after English, French and Mandarin it's a fourth language for him, never mind Kazakh, so neither Otabek nor Yuri holds it against him when he needs a little help. They get back onto the main road where they can get their speed up again and Otabek finally relaxes into his seat once more.

“He said something about drugs,” he finally explains. “I think that blue van behind might have done us a favour by being a little less law-abiding.”

He laughs, hearing JJ follow suit, and even Yuri gives a wry little smile in the rear view mirror. As small as that smile is, Otabek knows it's a good sign, and he wants nothing more than to make Yuri smile again, smile more and wider. Maybe they can be happier in Russia. The idea is heartening but something in Otabek pulls against it, sinking its claws into his heart and trying to drag him back home. He shakes his head, overtaking a green Ford Fiesta. He's not even sure what he means by 'home' anymore anyway. Sure, he's never left Almaty before: it's his home town, his old haunt, the place he knows best in the whole world. But does that even matter now? Is his home even there anymore? Or is it here with him in this second-hand people carrier? The touches the gold band on his ring finger. There's no way they can go back after everything that happened, so really there's no point even thinking of Almaty as anything but a part of their past.

And yet something in Otabek aches more and more with every passing moment.

“How are we doing on fuel?” asks JJ, his voice breaking through Otabek's mess of thoughts.

“Uh...” Otabek blinks and looks at the gauge. “Probably got a few more hours to go.”

“You okay Otya?” asks Yuri.

Otabek nods. “Just thinking about Almaty.”

Yuri frowns at him in the rear view mirror. “What about it?”

“I...” Otabek touches his ring with his thumb again before shrugging. “Just... I've never left before and it's kind of weird and...” He trails off, unsure how to finish.

“Are you sad?” JJ asks and Otabek considers the words.

“I'm not sure,” he admits. “I mean... a little but there's no way in hell we're going back there, not after...” He catches Yuri's eye in the mirror again and swallows. “Not after what happened.”

“It's understandable to be sad though,” reasons JJ. “You've never left home before and it's scary to leave.”

Otabek checks a sign to see that they're still on the right route and turns JJ's words over in his mind some more. It's not a secret between them that Otabek is the least travelled of the three: Yuri went from Moscow to Saint Petersburg to Almaty (though the circumstances of such aren't something Yuri has ever fully divulged) and JJ, after having to leave Canada, ended up in China for a number of years before coming to Kazakhstan. Meanwhile, Otabek has only ever moved from one house to another. As much as he knows neither JJ nor Yuri would probably have moved so far from home by choice, he's grateful to have them here with him now, and a big bit of him can't regret them having left Almaty either. Maybe now is the time for him to have an adventure. It's a ridiculous idea, and brings a snort of laughter to him.

“What's so funny?” asks JJ.

“Absolutely nothing,” laughs Otabek. Even he can hear the surprise in his own voice and it makes him laugh all the more. He grips the steering wheel harder, giggling madly, and hears JJ join in, followed by Yuri, until all three of them are laughing uproariously. It's a good thing they're on a straight road because Otabek's steering has gone to pot.

When the laughter eventually subsides, they all sigh together and the tension in Otabek's shoulders finally feels lessened. They carry on along the road, still chuckling occasionally.

“I'm sorry,” says Yuri after a longer pause. His voice is soft and sincere and when Otabek looks at him in the mirror once more he's looking at his hands folded in his lap and there's a flush in his cheeks.

“What for?” asks JJ, but Otabek's pretty sure he knows why Yuri is apologising.

“Getting us into this mess.”

“Don't say that,” says JJ quickly, but Otabek can see Yuri shaking his head in the mirror.

“It's my fault,” insists Yuri. “If I hadn't... If I...”

The words choke in his throat and Otabek pulls the car into a lay-by before turning in his seat.

“Yura,” he says sternly, “after what happened, one or both of us would have killed that piece of shit if you hadn't.” Yuri's gaze moves to Otabek's face, eyes unreadable. “We would be in exactly the same position now.”

“Really?” Yuri asks.

“Are you kidding?” JJ gapes at Yuri. “If you hadn't got him first I'm pretty sure we would have ripped him apart.”

Yuri bites his lip, looking between the two of them. Otabek can see the belief and savage spark in his eyes that says what Otabek's been thinking in the back of his mind: a bullet was too kind for the bastard. JJ reaches out and takes one of Yuri's hands in both his own.

“We will never let anything like that happen to you again,” says Otabek, leaning to take Yuri's other hand. “Ever.”

Yuri squeezes their hands. “I can take care of myself.”

“We know,” JJ says. “But you don't have to.”

They make it to Orenburg in the early evening. This side of the border, and having had several uneventful days of driving, it doesn't take much for them to decide to seek out another motel. Between the decent mattress and the clean smell in the bathroom, it's a lot better than the one in Sastobe, and they all relax a little more. It seems to Otabek that crossing into Russia has put them all at ease, especially when Yuri collapses onto the bed with a deep, contented sigh.

“Looks like we've got towels too,” says JJ, surveying the shelves in the wardrobe, and Yuri gets quickly back off the bed.

“I'm going to shower,” he announces, reaching past JJ and grabbing a large fluffy white towel before darting into the bathroom.

“Yura can you do us a favour?” asks JJ just before Yuri can close the door. When Yuri stands there looking at him questioningly, he adds, “Please don't lock the door.”

The implication is clear: Yuri's not been eating as much over the last few days and occasionally when he gets like this he's been known to faint. Yuri half nods.

“Sure, wasn't planning to anyway.”

While Yuri showers, Otabek leaves JJ in the room and heads downstairs with a handful of bills (having changed the money from Yuri's backpack before they reached the motel) to seek out some food and drinks.

The shopkeeper pays him no real mind, simply taking his money and letting him go on his way. It makes Otabek wonder if they can make this work, make a new start and leave everything in Almaty behind them for good. Something in him still twinges at the thought despite himself and he sighs quietly as he leaves the shop. It's going to take a while – he knows that and it frustrates him but he'll have to eventually get used to the idea.

By the time he gets back to the room, Yuri is out of the bathroom and towelling his hair dry while sitting naked on the bed. Running water sounds from the bathroom tell Otabek that JJ is taking his turn in the shower.

“You next,” says Yuri, nodding vaguely towards the bathroom door as he turns his head upside down to rub his back with his towel. “We all smelled kind of...”

“Ripe?” supplies Otabek to a crinkle of Yuri's nose and a nod. He puts down the little bag of groceries on the desk and sits in the chair beside it, surveying Yuri thoughtfully as he toes off his shoes. He would try to be less obvious about peering at Yuri with such concern in his face, but with Yuri's head inside the towel, he can look at him as much as he likes.

It's heartening to see the bruises on Yuri's body all but faded and the scratches following suit slowly but surely. The trembling in Yuri's hands is less now too; he seems more relaxed, more his usual self. As he lowers the towel and their gazes meet, Otabek sees a flicker behind his green eyes and feels an answering stir behind his ribs. The moment of them both staring at each other ends when the bathroom door opens and a nude JJ emerges.

“I will never bitch about missing one shower ever again,” he vows.

“Feeling better?” asks Otabek, standing up and approaching him in the doorway.

JJ nods. “I was starting to feel like I was half cheese.”

“You're disgusting,” frowns Yuri.

“Correction, I _was_ disgusting. Now I smell like mint all over.” JJ winks before looking back at Otabek. “Your turn stinky.”

He leans down and catches Otabek's lips in a kiss. Expecting a quick peck, Otabek goes to pull away, but JJ gives chase, deepening the kiss for just a short moment, and Otabek feels that same stirring inside him that he got when he looked at Yuri. When they separate again, he and JJ turn to look at Yuri in unison. From where he reclines on the bed, he's gazing at them both intently, the corner of his mouth pulling up ever so slightly.

Otabek takes his time in the shower, soaping his hair twice and scrubbing every little bit of himself to get rid of the accumulated grime. Once he rinses himself one final time and watches the water spiral down the plughole, he feels like a weight has been lifted. He towels off quickly, running a comb through his damp hair before going back out to the main room.

What he finds there is a tangle of limbs: JJ and Yuri are entwined together, kissing furiously, towels discarded on the floor by the bed. As Otabek watches, JJ grabs Yuri by the waist and flips them both so he's on top, pinning Yuri to the bed with his body, and Yuri softly moans into his mouth.

“Am I interrupting something?” Otabek asks with a small grin, and the other two sit up, reaching for him.

Otabek hesitates for only a second before stepping towards them. Yuri takes hold of Otabek's wrist while JJ slips one hand around the back of Otabek's neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. As JJ's tongue flicks against his own, Otabek allows himself to be drawn down onto the bed with them, and Yuri runs deft fingers over his taut stomach and chest. Between both of their ministrations, Otabek starts to purr low in his chest and lets them wrestle him down onto his back. JJ relinquishes Otabek's mouth to lay claim to his throat, tongue running briefly over his ear and then down, while Yuri takes over at Otabek's lips. Underneath them both, Otabek writhes, gasping into Yuri's kiss when JJ bites down on the place where his neck and shoulder meet and Yuri's fingers draw patterns on his skin.

He lifts one hand, tangling his fingers in Yuri's damp hair, pale gold locks curled in his palm. As JJ's lips run along his clavicle, Otabek's fist tightens in Yuri's hair and he tugs at it, hissing into Yuri's mouth. But Yuri pulls back, away from him, and when Otabek opens his eyes he sees panic in Yuri's face. Guilt floods him.

“Yura are you okay?” he asks, feeling JJ stop what he's doing and lift his head.

“I'm fine,” insists Yuri, but his hands are shaking again.

“What's wrong?” JJ asks, sitting up slowly and putting a gentle hand on Yuri's shoulder.

Yuri shakes his head. “Nothing.”

They all sit in silence for a long moment before Otabek exchanges a look with JJ.

“Maybe we shouldn't do this,” he suggests, but Yuri glares at him.

“Don't you fucking dare,” he growls. “I need this. You both want it – I can feel it. I just... I need to... forget.” He frowns down at the bedclothes by Otabek's shoulder. “I need your help, just... don't pull my hair again.”

JJ and Otabek share another glance. This is a bad idea in every sense of the words and they both know it. Hell, Yuri probably knows it too, but all three of them both know what a stubborn little shit Yuri is when he wants to maintain a front. They both hear a soft not quite sniff and look at Yuri again.

“Please,” he says, clenching his fists. “I... I miss you.” Any front is gone, leaving only Yuri sitting before them.

Without another word, Otabek sits up and he and JJ wrap their arms around him, holding him protectively between their bodies. All hesitation disappears: when Yuri turns his head, tilting his face towards Otabek's, Otabek leans in and kisses him on the lips, and feels JJ's hands start to roam both their bodies. At a cut off groan into his mouth (JJ must have got to Yuri's nipples), Otabek breaks the kiss and pulls away a little to catch his breath. A gentle hand under Yuri's chin turns his head so JJ can capture his lips in a kiss too. Yuri whines as Otabek slowly runs his palms all over Yuri's back and sides, occasionally touching at his hips or thighs while JJ rolls one of Yuri's nipples between his fingers. With a far steadier hand than before, Yuri takes hold of one of Otabek's hands and guides it to his other nipple so Otabek can mirror JJ's actions. Otabek lowers his head to Yuri's shoulder, gently kissing and licking at the skin while flicking his thumb over Yuri's nipple. Between them, Yuri shudders, gasping into JJ's mouth, and Otabek watches his hips twitch forward of their own volition.

“Enjoying yourself?” he asks, breath whispering over Yuri's ear as he leans in. In response, Yuri nods, breaking his kiss with JJ on a little hitch of breath, and Otabek takes the opportunity to turn Yuri's face towards his own again to kiss him once more while JJ lowers his head to caress Yuri's collarbone with his tongue. Yuri's mouth is open and wet, asking wordlessly for more and more, moving slackly against Otabek's lips as JJ starts to suck pink marks into Yuri's neck and shoulders.

“You're so beautiful,” JJ murmurs against Yuri's skin. Otabek feels Yuri about to reply, but then JJ's tongue darts out, swiping across Yuri's nipple, and instead he bites wolfishly at Otabek's lower lip, fingers clutching at both their bodies.

They all shuffle up the bed, Yuri allowing both Otabek and JJ to lie him on his back and roam his skin further with their lips. JJ goes back to Yuri's nipple, licking and nibbling, but Otabek moves: starting at Yuri's mouth he continues down his jaw and up to his ear, then down his throat and shoulder where JJ left his little pink marks. When he and JJ lick simultaneous slow tongues over Yuri's nipples again, Yuri moans in the back of his throat.

“Ah fuck,” he sighs, back arching as Otabek draws one finger down his chest and stomach, tracing his hips and dipping in at his groin. As Otabek closes his fist around his swollen cock and gently squeezes, Yuri whimpers.

While Otabek starts slowly pumping Yuri's dick, JJ returns to kissing him, swallowing the moans and whines Otabek elicits, and his fingers drag over Otabek's hip until his fingers wrap around Otabek's erection. Otabek bites Yuri's shoulder, stifling a groan into his flesh and making Yuri gasp in turn and reach out with a trembling hand to take hold of JJ's dick. The room fills with their collective sighs and moans, occasional profanities and a myriad of kisses. Eventually, Yuri lets out a higher whine and stills his hand, urging Otabek to do the same with a gentle touch to his wrist.

“I need you to fuck me,” he pleads. JJ pulls back from Otabek's lips, pausing in his own movements.

“Which one of us are you talking to?” he asks, and Otabek remembers the first time they fucked, when Yuri had mentioned a weakness for dark undercuts.

Yuri shakes his head. “Doesn't matter. I just... I want to feel full.”

Otabek exchanges a smirk with JJ. “I'll get the stuff.”

Giving Yuri's cock a parting squeeze, Otabek rolls off the bed and goes into his bag to retrieve a condom and tube of lube. It's not that he expected this exactly, but life has taught him to be prepared for anything at this point – he bought them in Sastobe just in case. When he gets back to the bed, Yuri parts his legs, tongue tangling with JJ's and one hand tugging at JJ's dick. Otabek settles between Yuri's legs, squeezing out lube onto his fingers and soon sinking one into Yuri, thumb rubbing lightly alongside it to coax Yuri further into relaxation. Hearing a soft groan from Yuri, Otabek starts moving his fingers (gently even though he knows Yuri probably wants him to be rougher) until he can work in a second and then a third finger along with the first. Yuri quivers, panting as JJ's lips go down his throat again.

“You ready Yura? Otabek asks, kissing Yuri's thigh and rubbing at his prostate.

“Yes,” says Yuri, breathless and writhing, and Otabek pulls his fingers slowly out of him.

“Okay – up you get.”

Yuri slowly pushes himself up, JJ following suit, while Otabek sits on his haunches, rolling on the condom and dousing his cock in more lube. Soon Yuri straddles his lap, sinking down onto his erection with a choked moan.

“Oh fuck,” he sighs, shuddering as he settles, letting his weight seat him fully on Otabek's dick.

“That good kitten?” asks JJ, to a nod from Yuri. He leans in to kiss both of them briefly before getting to his knees. His cock bobs, rock hard, between Yuri and Otabek; Yuri immediately takes hold of it once again and strokes. With a moan, JJ curls his spine so he can lean down and kiss Otabek, tongue darting against Otabek's as Yuri starts to slowly shift his hips.

When JJ relinquishes his lips, Otabek ruts his hips forward, getting a gasp from Yuri; JJ groans in turn as Yuri's fist squeezes around his erection. Otabek lowers his head, mouthing at the head of JJ's cock and being rewarded with a whine from above. In his lap, Yuri starts to move in earnest, lifting his hips and sinking back down in a slow rhythm, letting his hand trail down to JJ's balls to cradle them in his fingers. Between Yuri's hand and Otabek's mouth, JJ's body starts to tremble and he almost doubles over when Yuri's lips join the party.

“Ah fuck,” he gasps, one hand clutching at Yuri's shoulder and the other grabbing Otabek's hair. Otabek groans around JJ's cock, releasing the head to Yuri's mouth and letting his tongue explore the rest of it. As Yuri lowers his hips and clenches his muscles, Otabek whimpers and grabs his thighs, thrusting into him and eliciting another gasp.

“There?” Otabek asks, his breath ghosting over the wet skin of JJ's dick and drawing forth more moans from him. Yuri nods, taking JJ's erection all the way into his mouth and mewling around it as Otabek thrusts a few more times. As Yuri pulls back off JJ's cock, Otabek mouths along it again, kissing Yuri around the heavy thickness of it. JJ shudders, breath coming in pants as Yuri and Otabek share his cock, crying out when Otabek swallows him whole and Yuri sucks at his balls, tongue flicking over his skin.

“Oh god,” JJ gasps, fingers tightening in Otabek's hair as his cock slides between Otabek's lips. “Fuck, I'm – I'm going to–”

Otabek pulls back at the last moment and Yuri strokes JJ through his orgasm, white spattering both their faces while JJ moans and shakes. The sight of JJ's cum on Yuri's lips, on his tongue and chin, along with his darkened green eyes hazy with need is the last straw for Otabek and he comes too, hips stuttering and cock pulsing inside Yuri as he fills the condom. He grabs Yuri's hips and thrusts into him hard, pulling him down, and Yuri lets out a final, desperate cry before toppling over the edge and reaching his own peak, painting Otabek's stomach with his cum.

All three of them collapse: JJ sinks to a sit, Yuri flops in Otabek's arms and Otabek sags before laying Yuri down gently and pulling out of him. JJ grabs tissues from the bedside table and carefully cleans them all up, leaving kisses on Otabek and Yuri's skin, hair and lips. When he finally bins the tissues and lies down alongside the other two, they all breathe slowly, hands reaching for one another.

“Thank you,” Yuri sighs, still catching his breath and eyes shining. “I love you both so much.”

“We love you,” JJ and Otabek say together, sharing a grin.

They get the best night's sleep they've had in over a week and when they depart again the next morning all three feel a little lighter.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Lacrimosa](https://youtu.be/y5-AzdDu1s4) \- Regina Spektor


	4. Part 1, Chapter 4: Come dig up my bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, hope you're all having a good weekend! This is the last chapter of part one so there will be an extra week between this part and the next (partly so I can get my laptop screen fixed). Things are a little calmer in this chapter before they make the final trek to Saint Petersburg! Hope you enjoy.

**Part 1: Upward**

**Chapter 4: Come dig up my bones**

 

The journey to Penza is – dare they say it – pretty easy. With residual tension lessened from their good night's sleep, they find themselves happy to travel further before seeking out somewhere to stay the night. In Penza they find another decent motel and actually venture out to eat – only in a fast food place but it's still progress for them – before cuddling up together in bed and having another miraculously full night of sleep.

The next morning, Otabek takes the car keys as usual, but Yuri holds out his hand.

“I'll do it,” he says, green eyes blazing.

Otabek frowns at him. “Are you sure?”

Even from across the room, JJ can see the doubt clouding Otabek's features and the pigheadedness in Yuri's shoulders. Yuri narrows his eyes.

“Yes,” he says. “You've both been driving for days. Even switching in the middle of the trip it's a long drive and I've got away with not doing it yet but I'm fine and this is my home turf.”

He's telling the truth, at least objectively, but something stops JJ being sure and he can see Otabek thinking the same. Neither of them truly minds doing the driving and they're still not entirely certain of Yuri's state of mind, so the instinct for both of them is to keep the car keys from him. But they can also see the set of Yuri's jaw and hear the stubbornness in his voice. Otabek fiddles uncomfortably with the keys.

“Yuri it's sweet of you to offer but–”

“Don't give me that,” Yuri snaps. “Give me the keys.”

“Yura–”

“I already said don't do that,” insists Yuri. “I should drive. Let me.”

Otabek looks over at JJ, who bites his lip, trying to figure out what to say.

“Please?”

They both look at Yuri, now frowning. Only one more moment passes before Otabek holds out the keys and Yuri takes them with a grin.

“Thanks.”

“If you need to stop tell us,” says JJ quickly.

“Yeah yeah,” says Yuri with a wave of his hand. “Let's go.”

Yuri's driving is fine – pretty good, in fact – and JJ and Otabek both quietly relax. His knowledge of the Russian roads means he drives confidently. He navigates the main roads easily and doesn't seem to tire. Even when they stop to pee in a copse of trees and Otabek offers to take over, Yuri shakes his head and refuses to hand over the keys.

When they get back on the road, Otabek gets into the front seat (to stop Yuri bitching about feeling like a taxi) and JJ sprawls in the back, watching signs and cars passing by them. After a while longer of driving, however, JJ sits up with a frown.

“Yura...” he begins, voice lingering on the syllables.

“Hmm?” Yuri prompts him to continue.

“I thought we were going to avoid Moscow?”

Otabek looks at the sign passing them before looking at Yuri, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

“Just relax,” says Yuri, eyes on the road. “I know a place.”

JJ can't shake the little gnaw of anxiety in his stomach. Going somewhere like Moscow is risky: it's a big place, with more possibility of connections to people in Almaty. Before they even got to Russia, they agreed that staying out of Moscow would be a good plan – though looking back, Yuri never actually agreed explicitly. As it is, JJ now understands why Yuri was so keen to drive today.

“Will you both relax?” Yuri asks. “It'll be fine. Besides, I planted a false trail.”

“What do you mean?” asks Otabek.

“You know how we said not to use our cards?” asks Yuri. When the other two nod, he says, “I did use the shared account card once more.”

“What did you do?” asks JJ.

“Well if they try to track it they'll find plane tickets from Astana to Atlanta,” explains Yuri. “As far as they'll be concerned we've fucked off to America.”

JJ looks at Otabek, seeing the open surprise in his face and knowing his expression is the same. Clearly he didn't think of that either. Any further protest falls flat and Yuri forces them back into normal conversation. The approach to Moscow still makes JJ's stomach twist in worry, but nothing happens and Yuri seems unconcerned. When JJ looks at him more closely in fact, he can see a little smile that keeps creeping onto his face, an occasional drum of his fingers on the steering wheel and an alertness in his movements. They don't go into the centre of Moscow but rather to the outskirts and eventually a quiet little house surrounded by trees, where Yuri pulls into the driveway behind an old but well maintained teal car. He turns to look at JJ and Otabek with a brightness in his eyes that neither of them has seen in weeks.

“It still looks exactly the same!” he says with a grin. “Trust the oldies to stay in a time warp, right?”

JJ glances at Otabek, who looks about as confused as he himself feels, before Yuri practically bounces from the car and they hurry to follow. Yuri's footsteps creak on the front porch steps as he bounds up them and hammers on the door. Muffled sounds come from within house – footsteps and a voice muttering – before they hear the door unlock. When it opens JJ sees a face he's only previously seen in photos before Yuri descends upon the man in a fierce hug.

“Grandpa!” he says, the sound muffled in Nikolai's jumper as Nikolai looks in astonishment at JJ and Otabek.

“Yurotchka?” he asks, amazed, arms reaching for Yuri's shoulders so he can push him back a little and see his face. “Is that my little Yurotchka?”

Yuri nods, tearing up as he clings to Nikolai's arms. “It's me – I wanted to see you. It's... been so long.”

He dissolves into soft tears, face pink, and Nikolai pulls him into his chest, his own smile radiant in Yuri's hair. The only sound JJ can hear beyond the reunion is the distant sound of traffic and a family of birds nesting in the eaves of the house. He looks at Otabek and sees a little quirk of eyebrow and twitch of lip that says _we'll talk later_. Soon, Nikolai ends the hug and ushers them all indoors with a promise of tea. After some brief introductions, they find themselves on a deep, squashy sofa in Nikolai's living room holding huge mugs of sweet tea while Yuri chats animatedly to Nikolai: mostly about Moscow, Nikolai's neighbours, the changing seasons and unchanging streets. Nikolai asks few of the questions JJ would reasonably expect someone in his position to ask: he doesn't question why they're here, what's happened, even what they do. It makes JJ wonder how much Nikolai actually understands of what Yuri was doing in Almaty.

They have a small dinner – fish and potatoes and vegetables – at the little kitchen table and afterwards JJ and Otabek go to the spare room to make up the bed for the night while Yuri helps clean up from dinner. As soon as the door is closed behind them, JJ lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

“You okay?” asks Otabek, shaking out the duvet.

JJ nods. “Yeah, just... wasn't expecting this.”

“Me neither,” Otabek admits, frowning at the door and putting down the duvet. “I don't get it though – he was so scared of getting tracked but now we're here in his grandfather's house and if anyone did manage to follow us...”

He trails off, brows furrowed, and JJ drops the pillows he's been holding to pull him into a hug, rubbing soothing hands over Otabek's back. Otabek's arms encircle his waist, his head resting on JJ's chest.

“It's risky,” says JJ. “I know. I was worried too – still am.”

“We shouldn't have come here,” says Otabek.

JJ shakes his head. “Maybe not... but we're here now.”

Otabek nods against his neck and sighs. “He's so happy.”

“He is,” smiles JJ. “He hasn't looked so cheerful in weeks.”

“More like months,” says Otabek as they part. “Do you ever wonder if maybe we were always going to leave Almaty?”

JJ half shrugs. “I haven't felt settled anywhere since I was twelve.”

Otabek grimaces. “Sorry.”

“Don't be,” says JJ.

They get the sheet on the mattress, taking time to tuck in the corners properly, but afterwards JJ searches for searches and can't find the pillowcases. Eventually he leaves the spare room to go and ask Nikolai with a little bunch of nerves in his stomach. It's not that Nikolai is scary at all – between Yuri's stories of him over the years to the kindly manner of the man himself JJ already likes him – but he's unreadable in a way only an old man can be and that makes JJ a little anxious. He pads slowly through the house, not wanting to make any loud noises that might disturb anyone, hearing Yuri and Nikolai talking quietly in the kitchen. He's about to push open the door and go in when he hears his name and pauses outside.

“Otabek and JJ – they seem like good guys,” Nikolai says. His words are punctuated by the faint sounds of splashing and wiping as he washes the dishes from dinner.

“They are,” says Yuri. His voice is tired but tender – JJ suppresses a fond grin. “I don't know anyone else who would stop me being a total dick all the time and still follow me when I do ridiculous shit.”

“It's good to see you have good friends,” says Nikolai.

There's a long pause during which JJ wonders if he should knock and interrupt, but then Yuri clears his throat.

“It's more than that,” he says.

JJ holds his breath, stomach aching as he waits to hear Nikolai's response.

“I wondered about the rings,” says Nikolai evenly. “Thought it might be to do with your work.”

“It's not a secret club with rings,” laughs Yuri.

“Is it official then?” asks Nikolai.

A shorter pause passes before Yuri says, “No we... would love it to be but it's not really possible – at least not yet.”

“You're committed to one another though?” asks Nikolai.

“Yeah,” Yuri replies, surely and happily. JJ touches his ring, thumb running along the warm inside part of it, and thinks of Yuri and Otabek, his heart full.

“I'm glad,” says Nikolai.

JJ smiles to himself and creeps away, only to return while making more noise than before to alert them to his presence before he pushes open the kitchen door.

“Sorry sir,” he says to Nikolai. “I'm having trouble finding pillowcases.”

Nikolai laughs. “I like him,” he says to Yuri. “Calling me 'sir'!”

Yuri hangs up the tea towel to dry. “I can quickly go show them if you want?” he offers, but Nikolai waves a hand.

“No need to be quick,” he says, pulling the plug in the sink so that the water starts to drain away. “We're done here so get yourself to bed. You've got another long drive tomorrow.”

So Yuri follows JJ to the spare room, grabbing the pillowcases on the way, and soon after they start to get undressed for bed. JJ can still feel some tense silence from Otabek but isn't sure what to say to help alleviate it. As it is, Yuri beats him to it.

“Sorry,” he says. “I should have said we were coming here.”

Otabek looks lost for words so JJ jumps in. “It's fine,” he says.

“It's risky,” says Yuri. “I know that's what you were both thinking.”

JJ shares another look with Otabek before Otabek finally speaks.

“We didn't expect it is all,” he says. His tone is gentle and the only look he has for Yuri is tender concern. “If anyone managed to track us–”

“I know,” says Yuri. “I'm sorry. I just...” He takes a deep breath that trembles around the edges. “I needed to see him. Just for a night.”

On his last words, his voice breaks, collapsing in on itself, and JJ and Otabek sandwich him in a hug.

“We get it,” promises JJ, his breath shifting in Yuri's hair. “There's no point worrying about any of it now. I'm glad we came here and met him.”

 

In the morning when they set off the goodbyes take a while, not least because Nikolai plies them with three huge tupperware boxes of fresh handmade pirozhki. As they pull away, he stays at the end of the driveway, waving until they turn around the corner and out of sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sleepy Towns and Cemeteries](https://youtu.be/xb50xd38rVc) \- Nicole Dollanganger


	5. Part 2, Chapter 1: If I could melt your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi pals, my laptop has been fixed and is all lovely and clean so here is the beginning of part 2 of this story; I really hope you enjoy it. :)

**Part 2:** **в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 1: If I could melt your heart**

Yuri is quiet for much of the drive to Saint Petersburg, leaning his chin on his hand and gazing out of the window. Part of him childishly longs to stay in Moscow, find somewhere to settle down and be near his grandfather, but it would be a bad idea. If they stay in one place, they're more easily found. Difference is they might get some protection in Saint Petersburg. Yuri can't put Nikolai in danger like that. He'll put his own life on the line for him, Otabek or JJ in a heartbeat, but the idea of losing any of them is sickening. It's the part that's consuming him now: this whole situation is his fault, and it could kill them all. Sure, things were starting to go downhill in Almaty already, but for them to leave as they did was really fucking stupid and he can't keep excusing himself like he has been just because JJ and Otabek insist he should. No matter the way Yuri looks at it, if he hadn't picked up that gun and pulled the trigger then none of this would have happened and they could have left on better terms. They could also be going somewhere that _isn't_ Saint Petersburg.

The thought of Saint Petersburg makes Yuri's stomach twist and he squirms in his seat, focusing on the big grey cloud encroaching from the north-western horizon to try and keep himself from panicking. Every mile – hell, every _inch_ – that they get nearer to Saint Petersburg draws the tense knot in Yuri's chest tighter and he has to fight the urge to lunge for the steering wheel and turn them around. He's aware that he should probably be running through the scenarios in his head, figuring out plans and rehearsing conversations in his head, but even picturing Viktor's face in his mind – cold, flat blue eyes, a straight nose and a long sweep of silver hair – makes him shake with nerves. Even if Yuri apologises – he knows he should; all that was his fault too – he doesn't know if Viktor will forgive him. Worse than the idea of going back to Saint Petersburg is the notion that this one last hope they have might be snatched away from them. If Viktor tells them to get lost... well, the only other thing Yuri can think of is moving to Nepal to live as goats.

As they get to the outskirts of Saint Petersburg, Yuri's stomach is roiling. The landscape grows more and more familiar and the nausea gets stronger. With quivering hands, Yuri rolls down the window and takes a deep breath.

“You okay?” asks Otabek. Yuri looks over at him to see concern in his face.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Just nervous I guess.”

“No need to be nervous,” says JJ brightly. “We're here with you.”

Yuri swallows and tries a smile. It's not the widest smile he could muster but any bigger and it would look mocking. He doesn't want either of them to worry (at least not more than they already are) and he's aware that this trip is based on exhausted, frantic babbling on his part. JJ was the one who took that idea further, but there's no getting around the fact that Yuri's thought when everything went to shit was 'Viktor will know what to do'. All of this is on Yuri – it's up to him to make sure it comes good for them.

When they make it into the city proper, they seek out another motel – Yuri is fairly certain that this one isn't owned by Viktor or any of his cronies – and sit in the room eating fast food and flicking through the channels on the television. Seeing the old news programmes again is strange: the reporters are six years older but still recognisable. The weather girl is pregnant and Yuri has to tell himself that it must be a new one because she hasn't stayed pregnant for years waiting for his return.

At bedtime, he's antsy and the others notice. JJ pins him to the bed with strong hands and a passionate kiss while Otabek sucks Yuri's cock into his mouth. It distracts him completely and afterwards he falls into a deep sleep full of dreams where he struggles through curtains the colour of cold moonlight.

The following morning Yuri wakes up feeling a steely resolve in the pit of his stomach. It makes for a fairly pleasant change from the crushing nausea he's been experiencing of late.

“I know where he lives,” he announces to JJ and Otabek as they finish their breakfast of bread rolls and cured meat from the nearest supermarket. “We can go over today if you want.”

“What if he's not home?” asks Otabek.

Yuri shrugs. “If he still owns it we can head to The Basement.”

“The Basement?” JJ quirks an eyebrow at him.

“It was his main club when I left,” says Yuri. “I don't imagine he'd have got rid of it but you never know. I'd prefer to see him at home though – he might be less of a dick.”

They make themselves as presentable as they can before going out and taking the metro across the city to a much nicer neighbourhood. Yuri scowls at the high-rise buildings and approaches one, jabbing at the button on the intercom for Viktor's apartment. Part of him is amazed he still remembers which one it is, but he also knows how strong memories can be. They wait a while – Yuri is about to press the button again before a tinny voice sounds from the speaker.

“Hello?” The voice is curious, lightly accented and definitely not Viktor's.

“I'm looking for Viktor,” says Yuri. He knows it's a little blunt, but he wants things to get a move on.

There's a short pause before they hear the voice again. “I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong place.”

Yuri frowns. “He's not there? Did he move? Do you know where he went?”

The speaker crackles. “I'm sorry – I can't say.”

With a glare, Yuri pushes off the wall. “Great. Thanks for nothing.”

As the three of them walk away, he huffs in annoyance. Fucking Viktor – what a useless shithead!

“Looks like Plan Basement then?” suggests JJ. “We'll have to scrub up.”

 

The Basement is – as the name would suggest – an underground place, full of a hard press of bodies and the smell of sweat, all semi-illuminated by swirling lights and scattered phone screens. As he scans the club, looking for familiar faces in the crowd, Yuri can see Otabek eyeing the DJ booth. He'd love for him to take over: the guy on the decks does kind of suck, plus his hair makes Yuri want to shave him bald. Whoever told him to make his hair look like an explosion of both ketchup and mustard has a twisted sense of humour.

“Do you recognise anyone?” JJ asks.

“No,” says Yuri, frowning at the dancing crowd. “He definitely still owns the place though.”

“How do you know?” asks Otabek.

“I did some research. Come on.”

Yuri leads the other two through the club, skirting the dance floor until they reach a set of double doors and push through them, finding themselves in the corridor leading to the toilets. Instead of following the sign for them, however, Yuri goes the other way, turning a corner and taking a set of stairs upwards.

“Is this a good idea?” puts in JJ. “That sign says staff only.”

“Jesus Christ JJ, you fucking square.” Yuri rolls his eyes and keeps going up the stairs.

“Where do you think you're going?”

They all turn on the spot to see a dark-haired Japanese man in a sharp black suit and wearing a look of polite curiosity. He has a somewhat round face, made to seem narrower and more angular by the stark sweep of black hair back from his hairline. Yuri narrows his eyes at the man.

“We want to see Viktor,” he says. “Is he here?”

Something passes across the man's features, far too quickly for Yuri to decipher it. “What's your business with him?”

“None of _your_ business,” Yuri says pointedly. Why won't this guy just get lost already?

“I'm afraid I can't let you up there,” says the man.

“Just try and fucking stop me,” sneers Yuri, turning to continue up the stairs. His progress is halted once again however when he feels a rush of air past his face and a split-second later he sees a vicious-looking knife embedded in the wall beside him. He whips round again, hearing choked sounds of surprise from both Otabek and JJ. “What the fuck?”

“You did suggest I try to stop you,” says the man. His face gives the barest hint of a smile but there's a dangerous flash in his dark eyes. “And I did say I couldn't let you go.”

Yuri glowers, raising his fists as he stomps back down the stairs. He's at a disadvantage – he knows that: this guy has knives and all Yuri has is his own bare hands. But he's not going down without a fight. The first swing is too slow: the man dodges and Yuri feels a hand connect with the side of his head. It throws him sideways and he staggers into the wall. His ears are ringing and he blinks away stars as he rallies and rounds on the man again. He connects a punch to the guy's stomach and hears a satisfying grunt but then he's floored by a swift kick to his legs and cries out in pain as he hits the ground. Looking up into the man's face, Yuri sees his next move coming and rolls to the side before the guy can hit him again. He staggers to his feet, coughing a little, before making another lunge for the man, succeeding in getting his hands on his shoulders and pushing him into the wall.

 _Why hasn't he pulled out his knives yet?_ He must have more – the one in the wall is obviously part of a larger set;Yuri's seen similar in other people's possession – but he's continuing to fight Yuri with only his fists. He's either very noble and very stupid or taking pity on Yuri. Fuck him.

With a growl, Yuri tries to resist the guy pushing him back but soon finds himself pinned to the opposite wall and glares up into his face. The dangerous spark in the man's eyes shifts into something else for a brief moment – an expression almost like recognition – but then Yuri wrenches himself from his grasp and darts around him, getting behind the guy. Yuri goes in for another assault but the next thing he knows he's pinned to the floor on his chest with a knee pressing between his shoulders. He flails helplessly.

“Get the fuck off me!”

“As soon as you can tell me why you want to see Viktor I'll be happy to.”

“Fuck you!”

“Yuuri, stop.”

Yuri freezes, the familiar voice sending a jolt through him. The guy over him stands, his weight leaving Yuri's back, and Yuri hears him say, “These men say they're here to see you.”

“I have no appointments,” says Viktor. From behind, Yuri hears him coming down the stairs and rolls over, starting to sit up and letting his hood fall down. Viktor stops halfway down the stairs, staring down at him. He looks different, and not just because he's cut his hair off: there's a tiredness in his eyes, a shimmer that belies his experience even as he considers the three of them. “Yuri?”

Before Yuri can respond, the black haired man lifts his head. “Yes?”

Viktor pauses, looking between them, and half laughs. “Well that's certainly not confusing.”

Yuri scowls. “What the fuck is going on?”

“I think perhaps we have the same name,” says the dark-haired man. “Your name is Yuri I take it?”

When he looks up, Yuri sees another strange expression pass across the guy – Yuuri's – face, almost like before, but then Yuuri looks back at Viktor.

“Viktor – we should go upstairs,” he says, voice lowering and becoming more urgent. Yuri silently scoffs as he gets to his feet finally. No one can tell Viktor what to do. They'll have it out here in the corridor and Viktor will tell them all to get lost. But to Yuri's surprise, Viktor nods, eyes flicking between Yuri, Otabek and JJ.

“Come on then.”

They all follow, Yuuri pulling his knife from the wall as they ascend, and Yuri folds his arms, nursing his pride along with the fresh bruises he can feel under his skin. It seems things really have changed in the last six years.

 

Viktor's office is located two floors up and Otabek can't stop gazing out of the floor to ceiling window that forms the outer wall. Out of it, he can see the night-time Saint Petersburg skyline, lit up and vibrant, and the difference compared to Almaty is staggering. He's used to covert rooms in the back of buildings because they didn't have a strong enough front to do anything else. The Saint Petersburg mafia seems have have got things sussed.

The dark-haired man – Yuuri? The whole scene downstairs was thoroughly confusing – lingers near the door while Viktor sits behind an immense desk. Yuri seems to hesitate before sitting down in a chair in front of it; Otabek can see the slight shake of Yuri's fingers as he folds his arms and glares at Viktor. After a brief few seconds of hesitation where JJ and Otabek hover uncertainly, they sit too. For a long moment, the only sound in the room is the soft snoring of the poodle sleeping in the corner.

“So,” says Viktor, icy blue gaze on Yuri's face. “You're back.”

Yuri's fists clench on his upper arms. “Not like I want to be,” he grumbles.

“You don't?” Viktor doesn't seem all that surprised and it occurs to Otabek that he never actually asked Yuri why he left.

“Why would I?” asks Yuri. “When I went I never meant to come back.”

“No I don't imagine you did,” says Viktor, eyeing Yuri steadily. “I'm sure Mila really appreciated that.”

Otabek frowns – who's Mila? – but beside him Yuri crumples, shoulders slouching, seeming to fold in on himself. His glare falters and Otabek sees an open look of pain in his open mouth and wide eyes. Instinctively, he wants to take Yuri into his arms and hold him close but the silence of Viktor's stare keeps him still. On Otabek's other side, JJ taps him on the arm and Otabek turns to look at him, leaning in so JJ can whisper in his ear.

“Sorry,” whispers JJ in English as Yuri continues speaking haltingly with Viktor. “I know I probably shouldn't ask but why is he talking about something shining? Is it some kind of slang?”

Otabek glances at the other two before murmuring into JJ's ear, “No _tsenit'_ is appreciate – you heard _svetit'_.”

“So...” There's a confused frown in JJ's words. “He... appreciates... something cute?”

“What? No, I–”

“What are you whispering about?” Yuri asks, breaking into their quiet vocabulary lesson.

“I was struggling to keep up with the Russian,” admits JJ. “Sorry.”

“We can switch to English if you prefer,” offers Viktor, switching language seamlessly and turning his gaze on Otabek and JJ. “I really don't mind.”

“It's fine,” says JJ in Russian, face turned pink under Viktor's scrutiny. “I should practise.”

Yuri leans forward in his seat. “We need to stay here,” he says plainly.

Viktor raises an eyebrow. “I see,” he says. “And why is that?”

Yuri tenses and Otabek steps in. “We had to leave Almaty,” he says. “Yuri had to kill someone–”

“' _Had_ to'?” asks Viktor.

“It was self-defence,” says JJ. His eyes are dark and the line of his brow serious. “He was desperate enough to use a gun. He hates guns.”

Viktor tilts his head to the side as Yuuri comes to stand beside him. “Not your weapon of choice anymore then, Yuri?” When Yuri says nothing in response, Viktor adds, “Can't say I'm surprised after Mila.”

Yuri stays silent but Yuuri puts a hand on Viktor's shoulder. “Enough, Viktor.”

His voice is soft but firm and when Viktor looks up at him Otabek can see the obvious personal deference in Viktor's eyes.

“Yes I know,” he sighs.

The phone on Viktor's desk trills and he picks it up. “Yes...? Okay... Yes, come on up.” He puts the receiver down again and considers the three of them over arched fingers. “I must apologise for my manners,” he says. “I've no clue what Yuri's said about me but as I'm sure you've both gathered I'm Viktor. This is my husband Yuuri. As you've seen he's very adept at defence but he also dabbles in some tech for me.”

Yuuri gives them a small smile – it looks more comfortable on his face than the hard look he was maintaining earlier but Yuri scoffs.

“You realise how creepy that is right?”

“'Creepy'?” asks Viktor.

“Getting another Yuri to replace the last one,” answers Yuri.

“It's hardly a replacement,” says Viktor. “Just a coincidence.”

Before Yuri can retort, Otabek says, “I'm Otabek, this is JJ.” He pats JJ on the knee. “We're together – the three of us.”

He's always been very upfront about the nature of their relationship, as unconventional as it is, and he clocks the pair behind the desk taking in the rings all three of them sport. Before anyone can say anything else, they hear a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Viktor calls. He looks more thoughtful than before but there's no time to ponder on it as the door to the office opens and two people enter: another tall, dark-haired man with a hairstyle that can only be described as semi-vertical and a young woman with wavy, jaw length auburn hair, both dressed smartly. Yuri stiffens in the chair next to Otabek and his jaw drops.

“Mila?!” Yuri exclaims.

The two who just entered both stare down at Yuri, shock painting their features as they see him in the chair. “Yuri?!” they say together.

“Shall we do reunions later?” asks Viktor, reaching into one of his desk drawers. “Did you bring the documents?” When Mila steps forward and hands over a stapled document Viktor takes it and hands her an envelope in exchange. “Thank you – I'll call you both later. For now feel free to head downstairs.”

They both nod and, with one last glance at Yuri, leave. As soon as the door closes behind them, Yuri, JJ and Otabek turn back to Viktor.

“She's alive?” Yuri asks incredulously.

“She is,” says Viktor. He considers Yuri with a severe expression but Otabek can still see that ponderous quirk to his lip. “So you want to stay in Saint Petersburg and be under my protection?”

Yuri frowns but seems to bite back a sharp retort as he says, “Pretty much, yes.”

“And from what I understand you have nowhere else to go?”

“No,” says Yuri, hanging his head. “This is our last resort. I wouldn't bother if it was just me but I want to keep these two safe and we have no other options left. I don't want to beg but I will if I have to.”

The office falls into silence while Viktor looks between the three of them. One of Yuuri's hands comes to rest on his shoulder and he looks up; Otabek can only describe Yuuri's expression as reproachful. Eventually, Viktor sighs.

“Okay,” he says. “If anything happens we'll have to talk but for now you can stay. Where are you staying now?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Frozen](https://youtu.be/JkPieADAVew) \- Madonna


	6. Part 2, Chapter 2: Solace in the strangest place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone else felt like this week never seemed to end? Happy Saturday everyone, here is the next chapter, I hope you like it. :)

**Part 2:  в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 2: Solace in the strangest place**

When they leave the club to head back to the motel, they all release a collective sigh of relief. Viktor has assured them that he'll sort everything out in the morning and for tonight they'll sleep at the motel one last time. He happens to have a spare apartment he's content for them to stay in, and none of them can quite believe their luck.

JJ isn't sure what to make of any of it; he tried hard to keep up with what was being said, but between his Russian being a little slow and the speed at which Yuri bickered with Viktor, he's pretty certain he missed bits. It doesn't help that Mila's name sounds exactly like the Russian word for 'cute' in speech and they used some weird forms of verbs – as far as he could tell at the time they had started a weird philosophical discussion with the vocabulary being thrown around. What he _does_ understand is that Viktor is willing to bring them under his protection, at least for now, and they'll have somewhere to live soon.

The trip back to the motel is cold and quiet; all three of them retreat inside their collars and scarves as they walk and JJ makes a mental note to buy a warmer coat in the morning. By the time they get back to the motel, JJ has had several flashbacks to winters in Canada and it's given him a strange feeling in his chest. Back in the room, Yuri sinks onto the foot of the bed and lets out a heavy sigh, seeming to collapse in on himself.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, voice half breath.

“You okay?” asks Otabek as he and JJ perch either side of Yuri.

Yuri nods and JJ rests a steady hand on his knee. “You did great,” he says earnestly.

“Thanks,” says Yuri. He's staring at his own feet, not quite frowning, but apparently in deep thought. “I just... I had no idea she was alive.”

“Mila?” asks Otabek to another nod from Yuri. JJ wonders if it was only him who didn't get any of the discussion surrounding her but then mercifully Otabek asks, “So what actually happened there? Why did you think she was dead?”

“I...” Yuri continues staring at his toes. “I fucked up on a job. I thought she'd died because of _me_.”

JJ nods grimly. He thought that might be it, given the way Yuri and Viktor were towards one another.

“And that's why you left Saint Petersburg?” asks Otabek.

Yuri nods again. “Viktor was so angry and I thought I should just go.”

“What did you do?” JJ knows he probably shouldn't ask but his curiosity gets the better of him again.

Yuri's fists clench on his knees and he tucks his chin into his chest as he replies, “The shorthand version is that I accidentally shot her in the back. I still don't... Everything was so confusing and it all happened so _fast_. Viktor knew it was an accident but he was still pissed. Mila was in a coma and the doctors...” He takes a shaky breath. “They said she probably wouldn't survive and if she did she'd be paralysed so I just _went_. I didn't want to stay knowing that everyone knew what I'd done and hated me for it.”

JJ can see a little telltale tremble in Yuri's lower lip and he shuffles closer, his and Otabek's arms encircling his waist as Yuri presses his lips together to keep himself going. His face changes to confusion and then a frown.

“I thought she'd died because no one told me she hadn't.”

JJ thinks he can understand why they might not have wanted to get back in touch with Yuri, even to give him good news – he's seen Yuri in a rage, seen him petulant and grouchy, seen his highs and lows and everything in between, and Yuri can be difficult at the best of times. He kisses Yuri on the forehead and on the other side Otabek takes one of his hands.

“So then you went to Kazakhstan?” Otabek asks Yuri.

Yuri nods once more. “Left my gun here, went to Moscow for a few days and then got the next flight out of there. Happened to be Almaty.”

JJ lets his lips quirk up into a little smile. “Well we're glad it was,” he says softly.

Yuri looks up at him, green eyes bright but soft, before turning and casting a look Otabek's way too. With a small smile, Otabek nods. In their embrace, Yuri seems to relax, his body becoming heavier as he surrenders the tension in his frame to them. As JJ lets one of his hands trail down to Yuri's hip and stroke gentle circles through the fabric of his jeans, Otabek lowers his head and kisses Yuri's lips. Yuri leans back into JJ as Otabek deepens the kiss and JJ's hand drifts up under Yuri's hoodie, running over his warm skin and bringing a sigh to pass into Otabek's mouth. With his other hand, JJ pulls back Yuri's hair to expose his neck and brings his lips to it, breath fanning over the skin for a second before he leaves a soft kiss there.

The following few minutes disappear in a haze of kisses and wandering hands. When Yuri turns his attention to undoing Otabek's shirt, Otabek leans forward and captures JJ's lips in a kiss over Yuri's shoulder. Yuri lets out a hiss when JJ's nails scrape lightly over his side, his grip on Otabek's shirt tightening reflexively as he pushes it from Otabek's shoulders. As Otabek pulls back, he tosses the shirt to the floor and JJ takes the opportunity to unzip Yuri's hoodie and take it off him. Yuri turns, pushing JJ into the mattress and kissing him, Otabek lying beside them to nibble at JJ's earlobe.

Between Yuri and Otabek's ministrations, JJ's breath catches in his chest, spurred by the blood rushing through him. Together, Otabek and Yuri pull JJ's jumper and t-shirt up, and when Yuri sits up to toss them aside, his weight settles heavily in JJ's lap, making him groan softly. With a little smirk down at him, Yuri shifts his hips, making JJ squirm and gasp quietly as Otabek sucks a mark into his collarbone.

“You enjoying that JJ?” asks Yuri, taking off his own t-shirt with a deft undulation of his spine; the movement, combined with a graze of teeth over his chest, brings another gentle moan to JJ's lips. He nods, seeing a pleased, confident flush on Yuri's face – it's beautiful to see that expression on him again. “Fucking right.”

Leaning down once more, Yuri kisses JJ, his mouth open and insistent against JJ's, and Otabek's fingers creep down JJ's stomach to start working open his trousers. The quiet clink of his belt opening is lost to JJ – his blood is rushing hard and fast through his body with the furious racing of his heart and he's enraptured by Yuri's lips on his and Otabek's teeth on his nipple. A shudder passes through him when Otabek gets his jeans open and strokes fingers down JJ's hardening cock, Yuri's tongue moving alongside his own.

Keen to do more, JJ reaches for Otabek's jeans, popping the button and lowering his fly, mirroring Otabek's movements with his own fingers. Otabek groans quietly against JJ's skin, wriggling out of his jeans and underwear as Yuri helps JJ out of his, dispensing with his own soon after. Fingers tangle in JJ's hair and Otabek moves up the bed, leaning against the headboard. JJ follows, unable to resist, gazing up with hazy eyes and an open mouth at Otabek.

“Fuck, look at that face,” says Otabek softly, his voice a low growl in his chest. He tugs at JJ's hair again, encouraging him closer and making him gasp.

“What do you want JJ?” asks Yuri, hovering over JJ and kissing his shoulder, his hand drifting down between JJ's legs to stroke his erection.

JJ tries to get the words to catch up with him, licking his lips and looking between them as Yuri continues to slowly pump his cock. As Yuri shifts, his own erection presses against JJ's backside, making JJ whine in the back of his throat.

“Fuck me,” he says, gazing up at Yuri.

Yuri grins, leaving another biting kiss on JJ's lips before moving back and getting off the bed. “Otya where did you leave the lube?”

“Bathroom,” says Otabek. Yuri disappears into the bathroom as JJ pushes himself to his elbows between Otabek's legs and lowers his head, kissing up the inside of his thigh. Fingers card through JJ's hair, pushing it back off his face as he kisses the tip of Otabek's cock. “You look gorgeous.”

With a creak of bedsprings, Yuri rejoins them, dropping the bottle of lube on the bed next to JJ's leg and leaning down to trail kisses down his spine while JJ starts to lick a slow tongue up and down Otabek's erection. The tickle of Yuri's soft hair makes JJ arch his back and suppress a laugh – a laugh that whispers away as Yuri's kisses trail gradually lower. Instinctively, JJ parts his legs, spreading his knees to give Yuri space, and feels a pleased smile at his tailbone while Otabek's fingers curl ever so slightly tighter in his hair.

One of Yuri's fingers drags along JJ's cock where it hangs heavy and hard between his legs and he huffs out a soft breath over Otabek's skin. JJ opens his mouth and sucks at the head of Otabek's cock, his tongue flicking across it as he feels Yuri's hands pulling his cheeks apart and his lips descending further down. At the first swipe of Yuri's tongue, JJ lets out a soft groan and feels an encouraging tug on his hair.

“More,” Otabek sighs, and JJ complies, sucking Otabek further into his mouth while Yuri starts moving his tongue in earnest.

JJ finds himself so focused on devoting attention to Otabek's cock (and the feeling of Yuri's lips and tongue) that when Yuri adds a lubed-up finger to his ministrations, he knows his surprise is obvious, especially when Yuri and Otabek chuckle at him.

“That feel good?” Otabek asks as Yuri slowly presses his finger into JJ. With a dulcet sigh, JJ nods, pulling off Otabek's cock a little to tease the head with more licks and stroke the base with one hand. Otabek bites his lip, watching intently.

It doesn't take long before Yuri adds a second finger, and soon after a third, and JJ takes Otabek's dick right to the back of his throat, swallowing around it and holding down Otabek's hips as he tries to buck irresistibly up into JJ's mouth. As Yuri curls and scissors his fingers in and out, JJ shudders, moaning around Otabek's erection.

“You ready?” Yuri asks, breath fanning over the skin of JJ's backside.

JJ pulls off Otabek's cock again, nodding firmly. “Yes – please.”

He feels a quick kiss to his ass before Yuri straightens, his fingers slipping from JJ, and picks the lube back up to douse his erection in it. Soon, he grabs JJ's hips and JJ whimpers against Otabek's thigh as Yuri fills him. Leaning down again, Yuri leaves more kisses on JJ's back.

“You okay?” he asks.

JJ nods. “Feels good – you can move.”

Straightening once more, Yuri starts to slowly shift his hips back and forth, the movement made easy by the lube. JJ moans, taking Otabek's cock back into his mouth and beginning to bob his head up and down. As Yuri gets a little faster and more insistent, his cock brushes JJ's prostate, making JJ whimper again and curl his toes. Otabek's grip in JJ's hair tightens again as JJ strokes his fingers over Otabek's balls.

“Fuck,” he growls, thighs twitching a little either side of JJ's shoulders, and JJ keeps sucking, pleased to hear more gasps of pleasure from above him and behind him. Yuri's movements get faster, his muscles shaking a little as soft moans waver from him, and the tight coil of arousal in JJ is getting harder to keep under control, especially when one of Yuri's hands trails down and starts to stroke his dick too.

“Shit,” rasps Yuri. JJ feels more kisses between his shoulder blades and cries out louder when Yuri thrusts into him a little harder than before. “Fuck you feel amazing!”

JJ keeps bobbing his head, heart racing, feeling Otabek's cock starting to pulse in his mouth and Otabek's hands clinging tighter in his hair.

“Ah...!” Otabek moans, the exclamation barely a warning before he comes, shaking under the movements of JJ's tongue, his eyes hazy and unfocused as he watches the others.

When Otabek lets go of his hair, JJ pulls off, swallows and moans once final time, coming hard over Yuri's hand and the bedclothes. Soon, Yuri comes too, keeping his movements up as long as he can to make sure they ride out the pleasure fully. When Yuri pulls out and they all collapse on the bed afterwards, everything feels warm and sticky, but JJ feels an odd sense of relief. He gazes up at the swirls in the ceiling plaster, finding weird patterns and shapes in the curves and grooves, enjoying the post-sex daze like a warm drink on a cold day.

They clean up slowly, taking their time and trading softer, more lingering kisses. JJ's muscles feel loose and lazy and he barely considers the idea of a shower before rejecting it for the morning, instead gratefully accepting a warm flannel from Otabek. Afterwards, they curl up together under the covers to drift off. As he gazes again at the ceiling plaster and finds a couple of swirls that might form an elephant if they were closer together, a little thought, a single question, floats to the surface of JJ's mind:

_Why didn't Yuri tell us any of this earlier?_

 

Yuuri stretches in his and Viktor's wide bed, enjoying the feeling of clean sheets against his skin as he listens to Viktor brushing his teeth in the en suite. In the corner, Makkachin snoozes quietly, the sound familiar and perfect to Yuuri.

This evening was... interesting. Despite what Viktor told him about Yuri, Yuuri never expected to actually _meet_ him. If he had realised who it was asking for Viktor in the first place, he wouldn't have tried to apprehend him like that. Yuri gave as good as he got though; it's impressive for his slender frame. Next door, Viktor spits and rinses his mouth out before finally coming into the bedroom and getting into bed with kisses for Yuuri.

“You smell good,” he whispers and Yuuri laughs.

“Well I did shower,” he says, kissing Viktor once more before settling against him under the covers. He hesitates for a moment before saying, “Thank you for letting them stay.”

Viktor's fingers pause very briefly in their exploration of Yuuri's tattooed shoulder before continuing again. “I'm glad you're happy.”

“Yuri seems like a good kid,” says Yuuri. “You shouldn't be so hard on him, given what they've all been through.”

Viktor nods. “I know. He's not a bad person – just makes bad decisions.”

“And if you turned away every person who made bad decisions,” says Yuuri with a sly grin, “then I wouldn't be here.”

Viktor shakes his head and pulls Yuuri close, peppering his cheeks, jaw and neck with kisses. “No we're not even imagining that,” he says, raising giggles from Yuuri before he settles back on his pillows again. He seems to hesitate for a moment before adding, “He's going to complicate things though.”

Yuuri lifts his head to meet Viktor's eyes. “Whatever it is, we'll be ready.”

They gaze at each other for a moment; Viktor traces Yuuri's hairline with a soft finger and Yuuri watches his eyes. Despite the colour, Yuuri can't see them as cold. Even when he first arrived in Saint Petersburg, he only saw Viktor as striking, with his long waterfall of silver hair. Viktor cut it not long after they met, and while Yuuri missed it at the time, he understood why Viktor did it.

“How did I get so lucky?” asks Viktor, drawing in Yuuri for a searching kiss.

Yuuri enjoys the feeling of Viktor's hands on his sides, humming softly in contentment before he climbs astride him, biting playful kisses into Viktor's skin as they move together on the bed. There's a lingering tension in the back of their minds, not a threat but rather an inkling of danger. Their lives are full of danger already but this feels different. Still, Yuuri believes they can deal with it. They always have.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Alive](https://youtu.be/-xJrcWtM6jQ) \- Sia


	7. Part 2, Chapter 3: Language is leaving me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to upload this chapter today as I've been sewing cosplay stuff all day long, but I'm here and on schedule, hope you enjoy. :)

**Part 2: в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 3: Language is leaving me**

For the first couple of weeks in Saint Petersburg JJ, Otabek and Yuri keep themselves largely to themselves. Viktor and Yuuri give them the keys to an apartment near the city centre with some furniture already in it (including a king size bed they can all fit in together) and the three of them use a little more of the money from Yuri's backpack to try and make the place a little more comfortable. By the time they get done, the apartment feels much more like their own. Yuri looks around it with a pang for all the things they left behind in Almaty – photos and decorative stuff, Otabek's favourite leather jacket and JJ's collection of French books – and tries to tell himself not to get stuck on _things_ when he still has JJ and Otabek.

He's grateful that Viktor lets them have that distance for the first little while. With everything that's been going on, his head feels too full and he's been drowning under all the swirling thoughts and feelings roiling around inside himself. Having some time without Viktor helps Yuri get a hold of himself, get a handle on his feelings and take a few deep breaths. Part of him wants to isolate himself completely, even from Otabek and JJ, let himself have the time and space to scream his frustrations out into a pillow or destroy something old and worthless with his bare hands, especially when the nightmares start up again.

Night after night, Yuri finds himself waking with a start, sweat clinging to his brow and his heart racing like a runaway train. Each one starts the same (and really Yuri should figure out how to wake himself up because the sense of dread every time is getting old): he's in front of a mirror, daubing himself with make up, but the make up suddenly reddens and turns to blood. He scrubs at it with his hands, only making it worse, his movements becoming frantic in his urgency to get the scarlet off his skin, but then the door opens behind him and he whips around. Doors open on all sides, forming a ring around Yuri, and he turns repeatedly, staring around himself at the darkness beyond each. He knows what's coming, and yet when the hands, the multitude of scrabbling, grabbing hands, burst forth from them and reach for him, he still screams. His clothes are tugged at until they're ripped from his body and Yuri's hands fly to cover himself. The hands keep grabbing, scratching at his flesh, making him cry out in pain. As the dream world turns black, Yuri always feels something worse coming for him, waiting for him, and only then can he drag himself out of the nightmare.

Normally he can crawl out of bed and stagger to the bathroom without waking the others. There he usually ends up curled up on the floor next to the toilet, shuddering and gasping as quietly as possible. Sometimes he throws up, tears streaming and throat aching. He always splashes his face with cold water before heading back to bed, and if he's lucky it won't happen again.

One such night, Yuri can't stop shaking, no matter how hard he tries, and his breath stays short and jerky. Part of him wonders if it's because he knows they're meeting up with Viktor in the morning, but he wouldn't have thought that would wreck his sleep so badly. He stares at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, gaze running over his dark circles and dull skin. Is this how he's always going to look now? When will he stop having nightmares? _Will_ he stop having nightmares? The prospect of no release from this is exhausting. Yuri runs a hand over his face and grabs a hairband, scragging his hair back into a ponytail before going silently back to the bedroom and tugging on a hoodie of JJ's. At the front door, he shoves his feet into some of Otabek's boots and grabs his keys, leaving the apartment as quietly as possible.

Late night Saint Petersburg is the same as always: cold but busy, with traffic noise all around and the sounds of various groups of people passing by. Yuri wanders through the streets on autopilot, tucking his chin inside the neck of the hoodie and gazing at the buildings around him. His hands are still trembling in his pockets but the cool air on his face is clarifying, like it's banishing all the leftover feelings from his nightmare. He takes a deep breath, letting it go slowly as he reaches St Isaac's Square and pauses, leaning against a bench.

Yes, he knows he should talk to JJ and Otabek about everything. They deserve to know, given what they've done for him (and, you know, because they tell each other everything normally) – Yuri shouldn't be sneaking out in the dead of night and evading questions about his well-being. Guilt settles on him like a dead weight, bowing his shoulders, and he sighs.

“Yuri?”

Yuri starts, head whipping round to see a figure nearby. He's about to turn tail and run until the figure steps forward into the light to reveal Mila. Another sigh – one of half relief – slips past Yuri's lips and he slumps against the bench. Mila is better than the other possibilities of who it could have been but to suddenly be faced with her after having spent six years thinking she's dead is making his breath catch in his throat. Nevertheless, he doesn't leave, even when she approaches and sits down on the bench, and when she looks at him and silently pats the seat beside her, he sinks down next to her.

“So why are you up?” she asks. “It's past your bedtime luchik.”

Previously, Yuri would probably have scowled at that, but right now he simply shrugs. “Couldn't sleep. Needed some air.”

Mila nods, the littlest hint of a smile appearing on her face. “I can imagine.”

“What about you?” he asks, not wanting any further discussion of his sleeping habits. “Why are you up?”

“I'm on my way home,” she replies. “Just got done with a drop.”

Yuri nods too, looking down at his feet and the frost on the ground. Talking to Mila is less... weird than he would have expected. His heart reaches out, wants to reach out; he turns toward her. “I'm sorry.”

A look of faint surprise crosses Mila's face, her mouth dropping open as he turns to look at him. For a moment she seems too taken aback to say anything, but then she smiles again. “Apology accepted.”

Some of the weight lifts from Yuri's shoulders. He shuffles closer to her, partly because of the cold and partly because he just wants to be closer to her. “I thought you were dead,” he says softly.

“I gathered,” she says with her characteristic little grin. “Don't worry Yura, it takes more than that to kill me.”

“What... what happened?” he asks hesitantly.

Mila shrugs. “Well I was asleep for a while apparently,” she explains. “When I woke up everyone was like 'holy shit how in the fuck are you alive' and then when I was able to move all the doctors nearly shit themselves. I had no memory of what had happened so I asked and Viktor was really angry when he mentioned that you'd left. Honestly I was kind of pissed off myself.”

“What?” Yuri frowns at her.

“Well I missed you butt-face,” she says with the tiniest of pouts. “When I woke up and you weren't there it felt wrong.”

“Sorry,” Yuri says again. “I... missed you too.”

Obviously he missed her in a very different way, a more permanent way (where he didn't expect to be able to say those words to her in person), but she puts an arm around his shoulder and squeezes him gently. Her perfume wafts around him, subtle but achingly familiar in the cold air.

“I'm glad you're back,” she says, her words warm and tender. Yuri lets his arm encircle her waist and he hugs her close. When they part again, she rests her chin in her hand and gives him a slightly wicked look. “So what's the story with your two studs?”

Yuri half smiles. “Otabek and JJ?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Remind me which is which again?”

“JJ's the taller one,” says Yuri.

“Thought so,” says Mila. “Viktor said you guys are like a couple.”

“Viktor told you that?”

“I pestered him about it,”she grins. “He seemed really confused about why I was so curious about you but of course I need to know what my little brother is up to.”

“I'm not your brother though.”

“Stop stalling and spill.”

Yuri rolls his eyes. “Okay... So I went to Almaty and I was eighteen when I met them both. Nothing happened right away because I wanted to get on with things rather than... make friends or whatever, but they were both really hot. I found out more about them and people mentioned the two of them were close – I started trying to open up to them. They invited me to a bar one night and we slept together. It was fun enough that it happened a few more times and we all cared so much that eventually it just made sense for us to be together.”

Mila grins again. “That's a really nice story. You're so lucky.”

“Hmm?”

“Having two people who love you like that but also each other,” she explains. “I can't even find one person to stick around.”

“Seriously?” frowns Yuri. “But you're awesome.”

“Well I matched with a super hot Italian girl on Tinder and it turned out she was here on business with the Crispino family,” says Mila. “But then she had to go back to Italy – plus, you know, it's the Crispino family so probably would have got messy – so... yeah, I'm still single.”

Yuri shakes his head. “You'll find someone. What about Georgi? His stupid hair still looked the same in Viktor's office the other day. Is he still moping about Anya?”

Mila laughs. “Give him some credit Yura, that was nearly eight years ago.”

“And he continued to whine about it until I left Saint Petersburg.”

“Fair point,” grins Mila. “He stopped crying about Anya eventually. He's actually engaged.”

“That was quick,” comments Yuri.

“Well you were gone for a while,” she says. “Life here didn't stop just because you were gone.”

Yuri thinks on this, thinks of Viktor's short hair and Japanese husband and the DJ he didn't recognise in The Basement. She's right of course: it was stupid to assume things wouldn't have changed so much. But then again, he was expecting things to have changed based on Mila being dead and gone. Her being alive – and chatting to him now like she always used to – almost makes him feel like everything was lying in stasis until he got back, even if he knows that's not the case.

“I guess not,” he admits. Looking back has given him a strange feeling in his gut and he longs for warm, understanding arms. “I should get back before JJ and Otabek wake up and freak out.”

He stands, Mila following suit and pulling him in for a hug, which he accepts with a little smile.

“See, time did pass by,” she says as they part.

“What makes you say that?” he asks.

“You finally got taller than me.”

 

When Yuri goes with Otabek and JJ to meet with Viktor the following day, they sit in his office and figure out where they'll fit into what needs doing: less to begin with but with a view to doing more as time goes on. Yuri still isn't sure how it will go and despite a surge of confidence this morning his heart still thrums anxiously at certain turns in the conversation; he squashes down the feeling. If nothing else, he can't lose face in front of Viktor, and without any real gauge of the other Yuuri he wants to maintain his indifferent surliness as much as possible.

As he talks about the various clubs and venues he owns, Viktor seems just as aloof and solemn as Yuri has always known him to be; his countenance bears nothing but a businesslike veneer. Yuri finds himself wondering if in the midst of all the changes that have happened, Viktor somehow stopped at just his hair, but then Yuuri speaks and it's impossible to miss the boyish delight and devotion that shines from Viktor's face, the little sparkle in his eyes as he gazes at his husband. It's adorable and sickening but Yuri can't begrudge him that happiness, not truly.

“How's the apartment?” Yuuri asks once they've settled all the arrangements.

“It's good,” says JJ, leaning back on the sofa and resting his arm over the back of it. Yuri can feel the warmth of it barely touching his shoulders and see JJ's fingers tracing the folds in the leather behind Otabek's shoulder out of the corner of his eye. “Thank you for letting us stay there.”

“We haven't used it in a while,” says Yuuri. “I'm glad it's proving useful again.”

Yuri hardly listens. Small talk doesn't matter to him, even less so now than before, and he can feel something strange crawling under his skin. It's only when he glances over that he realises that Viktor is looking at him. Yuri looks away again with a jolt, his stomach lurching, lowering his chin so that his hair falls forward and his face is partly obscured. He couldn't read the expression on Viktor's face but the fact that he's staring at all can't be good, surely?

Another furtive peek from behind his hair shows Yuri that Viktor is still keeping his eyes on him and he instinctively shrinks into the sofa between Otabek and JJ, toes curling uncomfortably in his boots. It doesn't matter that they've sorted things out in the business sense and he's apologised to Mila: Viktor isn't going to stop glaring at him like he's not even good enough to lick his shoes and that knowledge hurts. He's trying to make things right, so why can't Viktor just let him? Any gratitude Yuri felt towards him fizzles out right there on that sofa.

“Yura are you okay?”

Yuri looks up, catching Otabek's eye. Darting another quick glance at Viktor, he sees him look away, and nods, reaching out to lace his fingers with Otabek's. With a little smile, Otabek lifts his free hand and tucks Yuri's hair behind his ear again.

“You sure?”

Just as Yuri opens his mouth to reply, Viktor says, “So you're all settling in okay then?”

Yuri presses his lips together, willing himself not to snap at Viktor. Beside him, Otabek seems to look between him and Viktor before saying, “Yes, it's... been easier than we expected, thank you.”

Otabek's fingers squeeze Yuri's hand gently as JJ takes over with Viktor and Yuuri again, and Yuri swallows down bile, lost for words with no idea why.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [No More "I Love You"s](https://youtu.be/NSkboTTTmpg) \- Annie Lennox


	8. Part 2, Chapter 4: Dried up hopes in my mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early upload for this chapter as I'm off to a con this weekend - I managed to get all my cosplays done in time and can't wait to get there after all the crap the last few weeks at work has thrown at me. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Part 2: в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 4: Dried up hopes in my mouth**

As time slowly passes, Otabek tries to get used to the rhythms and tempos of Saint Petersburg. They keep themselves busy with work, a lot of it similar to what they were doing in Almaty but for JJ and Otabek with the added challenge of learning the layout of the city. Yuri obviously has no such issue; he instead seems to be re-learning the people here. Strangely, the first person he falls back into step with is Mila – Otabek would have thought she would require a longer period of adjustment, having essentially come back from the dead in Yuri's mind, but they quickly settle into a sibling-like rapport. Similarly, he seems to get used to the strangely coiffed Georgi again easily and Otabek can understand why: despite being a little melodramatic, Georgi is pretty easygoing (though apparently he hasn't always been this way). Viktor is another story altogether, and by association so is Yuuri: around the two of them Yuri is cagey and surly, and Otabek realises it's likely that only he and JJ can read the nervousness in his movements and how he holds himself. They know he's not sleeping well either – both of them will wake up to the sight of Yuri lying in the dark with open eyes or the sound of him sighing in the bathroom or pacing in the living room.

The first time Otabek heard him in the living room, he slipped out of bed, leaving JJ snoring softly, and quietly crept through the flat. Yuri had come to a stop in front of the window and was staring out with his arms folded across his chest and his shoulders shaking minutely. Running a tired hand over his face, Otabek stepped further into the room.

“Yura,” he said, voice soft to get Yuri's attention without frightening him. Yuri turned to look at him with a furrowed brow and his arms still folded. “You okay?”

Yuri half shrugged. “Couldn't sleep,” he murmured. “Didn't want to wake you.”

Otabek crossed the room to him and put his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. “You can always wake us,” he promised. “Both of us.”

Yuri buried his face in Otabek's shoulder and at the time it felt like he nodded but he hasn't deliberately woken either of them since. Both he and JJ have heard him get up in the night and neither knows what more they can say to him. As it is, all they can do is reassure him that everything is fine and nothing bad is going to happen to any of them. Between the false trail Yuri himself laid and the protection afforded by Viktor's presence, it's unlikely they'll ever be found. Yet Yuri still worries.

It's exhausting, as much as Otabek hates to think so, and it puts him on edge. His nerves are frazzled, his body drained and the lingering feelings he's been squashing since they reached Yaysan are starting to take root in the back of his mind again. Being somewhere that isn't Almaty feels strange, like he should have gone back by now, and part of him (another part he's been trying to squash away) is telling him he _could_ go back if he wants. He has no idea how true that even is. If he were to go back tomorrow, he's pretty certain he wouldn't be welcomed back with open arms, never mind Yuri and JJ – as though either of them would want to go back anyway.

With no other option for what to do, Otabek keeps quiet and tries to get on with things here. He's always been good at getting on with things, but he's never had to do so in a totally different place before. Quite apart from anything else, he doesn't really know where anything is, and taking the wrong turn off a road and ending up in entirely the wrong place becomes a frequent (and no less frustrating) occurrence. Even getting a moped similar to his old one doesn't help much.

It's after one such time that Otabek gets back to base – another apartment in the city centre – to find the place seemingly empty. He sinks onto a sofa with a heavy sigh. Knowing he'll get used to it here eventually doesn't really help right now, but he's _trying_.

“You okay?”

The voice makes Otabek nearly jump out of his skin; he leaps to his feet and whirls around in one motion to see who is standing behind him. Standing in the doorway is Yuuri, though he looks rather different to the first few times they met. His glasses and slightly fluffy hair give him a more relaxed, soft look that better reflects his usual demeanour (though the edge of a tattoo still peeks out from his collar). In the short time they've been here, Yuuri has always been approachable and helpful with everything, and Otabek likes him. He lets out a breath.

“Sorry, you scared me.”

“Oh, I do apologise!” says Yuuri hurriedly, his accent wavering as he speaks. “Really, I didn't mean to!”

“It's fine,” replies Otabek, sagging and sitting down again. After a short hesitation, Yuuri sits in an armchair.

“Are you alright?” Yuuri asks again.

Automatically, Otabek nods, but when the silence between them stretches on for too long, he sighs once more. “I'm just tired.”

“Have you been sleeping badly?” asks Yuuri. “Sometimes it takes time to get into a good sleeping pattern in a new place.”

Otabek shakes his head. “I'd sleep better if Yuri would.”

“Is _he_ sleeping badly?”

“Yeah,” answers Otabek. “He's barely sleeping and we don't know what else to do.”

Yuuri nods. “Be patient,” he suggests. “He knows you're there for him, both of you, and he needs to adjust but if you push him he probably won't respond well.”

“Is it that obvious?” chuckles Otabek.

“Not obvious,” assures Yuuri. “I got good at reading people is all.”

“Well you're right,” says Otabek.

“Just let him make his own way back to you,” Yuuri says. “He will. Are _you_ okay though?”

Otabek looks at him with furrowed brows. “Yeah – like I said I'm just tired.”

“Is that all?” prompts Yuuri.

Otabek frowns, staring down at his hands folded in his lap. “No,” he admits, “but I feel like an arsehole for thinking the rest.”

“Well you can't help feelings,” says Yuuri. “You can't tell yourself not to feel. You end up repressing it and then it'll explode out of you.”

It's trite and obvious – and unbearably true.

“I...” Otabek starts, trailing off uncertainly before continuing, “I've been feeling homesick.” The words feel like a him breaking a wax seal on his heart and the release of pressure leaves him in another sigh. “Sorry, I know it's ridiculous,” he adds hurriedly, but Yuuri shakes his head.

“It's not,” he says. “You have a right to your feelings.”

“More of a right than Yuri and JJ?” asks Otabek. When Yuuri looks at him quizzically, he explains, “Well Yuri... He killed a guy, the wrong guy, and we couldn't stay. And JJ's had to do this several times already and I know it must be really hard for him too.”

Yuuri considers him and a little smile appears on his face. “Sorry,” he says when Otabek raises one eyebrow at him. “I wasn't expecting you to say that is all... Look, you obviously love Yuri and JJ a lot and want to put them first but you should talk to them about this.”

“But it's so selfish.”

“You'll feel better if you tell them,” says Yuuri. “Believe me, I know about bottling things up.”

Otabek grimaces. “You're probably right.”

“Just think about it,” urges Yuuri. “I really think it'll help.”

“I will.”

“Good.” Yuuri sits back in the armchair with another little smile.

“So... if you don't mind me asking,” says Otabek, “how did you come to be here?”

Yuuri's head tilts to one side, thinking. “To cut a very long, complicated story short, if I hadn't found Viktor when I did I would almost certainly be dead by now.”

Otabek feels his eyes widen. “What happened?”

There's a longer pause between them an Otabek wonders if he should perhaps not have asked, but then Yuuri sighs lightly.

“Like I say,” says Yuuri with a little frown. “It's a very long story.”

The two of them hear a key in the door to the apartment and then Georgi calling, “Hello, anyone else here?”

With one last small smile at Otabek, Yuuri stands, responding, “Hey Georgi – we're in the living room.”

Otabek puts his business face back on; clearly Yuuri doesn't want to talk about the circumstances of his arrival in Saint Petersburg.

When Otabek gets home later that evening, JJ is making dinner while Yuri sits on the kitchen counter next to him, long legs swinging back and forth with an air of breezy relaxation. He's always been good at hiding things though; Otabek isn't sure he can buy the carefree attitude Yuri's projecting but as he kicks off his shoes and catches the sweet smile Yuri throws him, Otabek finds any comment he could make die in his throat.

“Dinner will be ready soon,” JJ tosses over his shoulder as Otabek comes properly into the kitchen. He's stirring a wooden spatula around a big flat-bottomed pan full of chicken and peppers that smells spicy and delicious. If Otabek were to close his eyes right now he could almost believe they were back in Almaty.

“Thanks,” he says, leaning against the counter with a tired smile.

“You okay?” asks Yuri. At the stove, JJ pauses in his movements and glances over his shoulder at Otabek.

In his head, Otabek hears Yuuri urging him to talk to them both. The words creep up his throat, tongue beginning to curl around them, but at the last moment he bolts again, swallowing them down once more to let his stomach dissolve them back out of existence. He smiles again, trying to let it reach his eyes.

“I'm fine,” he assures, fully aware of how he said the exact same to Yuuri only hours ago. “Just a little tired.”

JJ nods. “Fair – I'm not sure any of us are sleeping fantastically,” he says, going back to the pan. Yuri meanwhile drops his gaze to his knees, a little flush appearing in his cheeks. Otabek wonders if he might be about to say something, but then JJ says, “You know, I think this _is_ ready – Yura can you get the wraps out the fridge?”

 

Saint Petersburg reminds JJ of Montréal. The nights are cold, as are the brightest days, and snow falls periodically throughout the weeks. As in Montréal, the sky is a frigid shade of blue with no clouds, and the people of the city (though obviously speaking a very different language) huddle together in groups for warmth. It gives JJ a strange sense of nostalgia: he left Canada when he was twelve and he hasn't found a way to return yet, if he can. Shanghai was pleasant enough but not the same, and he couldn't get used to the humidity in China. Almaty's weather was too changeable to be completely comfortable. It feels nice to wear big jumpers and proper coats again, and he has to admit that he loves the sight of both Yuri and Otabek in knitwear.

Obviously that doesn't mean it's easy – between Yuri's restlessness and Otabek's morose attitude of late, it's getting more and more difficult to keep his own spirits up. Nevertheless, he tries to remain at least a little bit cheerful: in the mornings he wakes them both with kisses and makes breakfast, he finds things to do together (though Yuri rolls his eyes and mutters something in Russian about 'tourists') and he cooks dinner each evening. He likes cooking, fortunately, and he's good at it, so he knows the other two are eating properly at least, even if Yuri wakes every night and wanders the apartment and Otabek is worrying and frowning at his feet all the time.

As well as all that, JJ wants to try and make friends with others here. He gets on with Mila fairly quickly: she and Yuri seem close and she has an infectious grin. Georgi is similarly friendly – JJ finds him easy to talk to and loves hearing him gush about his fiancée, Bella. The name stirs JJ's memories, calls to the fore one half forgotten but fond, and he finds himself reminded of China again. Viktor seems taken aback by JJ's friendly attitude towards him (probably he expected both JJ and Otabek to follow Yuri's sullenness) but Yuuri seems relieved and offers help with anything they might need.

JJ is heading home one evening when he gets an excited message from Georgi to say Bella is coming back from a trip and he's hosting a party for her at their place the following evening. The text invites Otabek and Yuri too and JJ responds to say they'll try and be there. He's curious to meet the girl Georgi waxes lyrical about – JJ suspects he only hasn't seen a picture of her because Georgi keeps forgetting to show him (to the point that it has become something of a running joke between them). When he tells Yuri and Otabek about it, however, the reception he gets is less than enthusiastic.

“Do we have to?” Yuri asks. “He's just going to be all gross and kiss-y with her.”

“I think it'll be nice,” says JJ.

“Seems like a lot of effort,” says Otabek. “How long is it?”

“A few hours,” says JJ. “He wants to welcome her back from New York. I'm sure it'll be fun and we never really go out anywhere.”

He watches Yuri and Otabek exchange a look and his stomach twists uncomfortably.

“I can go on my own if you really don't want to come with.”

When they look back at him he sees reproach in both their faces.

“You don't have to go alone,” says Otabek. “We'll come with you.”

“Are you sure?” asks JJ.

“You said it's only a few hours,” Yuri says with a shrug. “If you really want we can go.”

JJ grins. “Really?” They nod and he sits between them on the sofa. “Thank you.”

 

They get to Georgi's a little late and the party is already underway. JJ waves to Mila, his other hand hefting the bottle of wine they brought with them. It seems that Georgi and Bella have a lot of friends outside of the usual crowd and JJ wonders what they all think Georgi does as a job. Accompanied by Otabek and Yuri, JJ weaves his way through clumps of guests in search of Georgi.

“This is definitely the right place right?” asks Otabek.

“It's the address he gave me,” says JJ.

“Plus it's the same as before,” adds Yuri, craning around several very tall women and scowling when he sees Viktor. “He's probably just being icky and gushing at someone.”

They continue to look for Georgi, eventually shuffling their way into the kitchen, where Otabek points out Georgi in the corner, his back to them and his arm around a dark-haired woman as they chat to someone. As they approach, the couple turns around to face them and JJ feels his heart stop.

“Hey guys,” Georgi grins and comes over to them, Bella – and yes, that's definitely her – by his side. “How are you?”

JJ knows he's meant to say something but any response dies on his lips. His world tilts on its axis, lurching horribly.

“Are you okay?” Georgi asks. “You look like you've seen a ghost.”

JJ vaguely nods, swallowing around the blockage in his throat. Eventually, he whispers, “Bella?”

“Hi JJ,” she says, half a smile on her face. “How have you been?”

“Uh...” JJ blinks a few times, still staring down at her in confusion. “I... okay... You don't seem that surprised?”

She shrugs. “Georgi mentioned your name and when he said you were Canadian I realised I'd be surprised if it wasn't you.”

“You know each other?” Yuri asks; JJ looks at him dazedly.

“Y-yeah...” JJ says. “From China.”

“JJ and I were close,” Bella explains with the same sweet little smile JJ remembers. She turns it back on him with an earnest expression. “It's really good to see you're safe.”

She and Georgi soon leave them to go and circulate once more and JJ feels Otabek and Yuri's eyes on him.

“Are you okay?” asks Otabek. JJ nearly laughs: the whole situation is ridiculous and he has no idea how he feels. Glancing around, it seems they're blocking the way for people, so he peels off into a corner, Yuri and Otabek following.

“You were friends in China?” asks Yuri curiously.

JJ nods and the honest streak in his prompts him to add, “A bit more than that.” It reminds him irresistibly of Yuri speaking to Nikolai in Moscow.

Something flashes across their faces before Otabek asks, “What do you mean?”

Swallowing, JJ replies, “We were engaged.”

 

The journey home is another silent one as all of them digest what happened. They didn't stay much longer after the conversation with Bella: between JJ's complete shock and the quiet surprise Yuri and Otabek have fallen into, they all realised they weren't in the mood for a party. Around them, the streets of Saint Petersburg continue in the same way they always do: noisy and bustling despite the late hour, but they pay the passers-by no heed, all of them lost in their thoughts.

By the time they get back to the apartment, JJ's silence has become strained while Otabek and Yuri's has grown irritated. When Otabek locks the door and JJ shrugs off his coat, still saying nothing, it seems to be the last straw for Yuri, who kicks off his shoes with a growl.

“Well?” he says, voice buzzing like a swarm of angry bees as he glares at JJ. “Are you just going to stand there and not say anything?”

JJ looks at him, confusion playing across his features as he asks, “What do you want me to say?”

“Something!” replies Yuri, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Anything! Why didn't you tell us you were engaged?”

JJ shrugs. “Because it ended before I even left China – I was nineteen years old.”

“But you were _engaged_!” says Yuri.

“I wasn't by the time I met you,” says JJ. “Either of you.”

“But you would have married her?” asks Otabek.

“Maybe eventually,” says JJ. “I got kind of cold feet...”

“And then left?” asks Yuri.

“It... wasn't long after,” replies JJ, looking at the floor.

Yuri gives him a hard stare. “So are you going to leave us too?”

JJ pales, eyes going wide as he gazes at Yuri. “What?”

“Yuri...” Otabek says, a low warning, but Yuri pays him no attention.

“You heard me,” he spits. “If you left her, what's to stop you doing the same thing now?”

“Everything!” says JJ, finally giving into the hysteria that's been bubbling up inside him. “What Bella and I had was _nothing_ compared to what the three of us share. We drove for sixty hours to get here and I'm _still here_!”

“Only because you're stuck.”

“Yuri,” says JJ. “This isn't fair.”

“Isn't it?” Yuri asks. “Are you saying you're happy lying to us?”

“No,” admits JJ, “but it's in the past and...”

He trails off and Yuri gives him a sharp look. “And?”

A battle rages briefly in JJ before he finally continues, “Well... _you_ weren't exactly forthcoming about why you left Saint Petersburg.”

Silence comes over them, filling the room like a noxious gas. For a long moment, Yuri's face is slackened in shock as he stares at JJ, red-faced with instant regret, but then his features twist into a mask of anger and he glares at him.

“Duly fucking noted. I'm going to bed.”

JJ sleeps on the sofa that night. Neither Yuri nor Otabek tries to stop him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Drought](https://youtu.be/kMBEaKE1voE) \- Vienna Teng


	9. Part 2, Chapter 5: But if you pardon I will mend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, back to my normal upload schedule for this week! In this chapter we get to know about JJ's backstory a bit and honestly this is one of my favourite chapters so I really hope you guys enjoy! :)

**Part 2: в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 5: But if you pardon I will mend**

If they had a doghouse in the apartment, JJ is certain he'd be in it. For the next few days, Yuri all but ignores him, despite JJ's continued attempts to get things back to normal, and Otabek looks back and forth between the two of them frequently. JJ knows Otabek feels stuck, caught between his surprise at JJ's revelation and his desire for them all to make up and move on. Part of JJ wants to tell Otabek to make a decision and stop sitting on the fence, but then he reminds himself that he could alienate himself further if Otabek sides any more with Yuri than he already has. As it is, JJ is already sleeping on the sofa for the foreseeable future.

The situation isn't helped by the other people around them. Knowing Bella is there is weird enough but having to come face to face with her (far more frequently than JJ might have expected) keeps sending JJ back into a state of confusion. Or at least he thinks it's confusion at first: as time goes by and he spends more time alone with this thoughts, he starts to think back in his mind to China, and then consequently to Canada and he starts having to fight the urge to lie down and cry.

Usually he tries not to think about China or Canada too much – a very conscious decision – and now he needs to remember how to forget again because the memories have sharp, jagged edges and it hurts to hold onto them. And yet, he can't let go: he keeps gripping them, letting them open up old wounds until they sting. He can't talk to Yuri or Otabek about it – it would feel wrong to bring his past into his present like that (which ironically is part of why he never mentioned Bella to them) even though he knows they'd listen if they saw how it was affecting them – so he spends nights curled up on the sofa with long-suppressed thoughts swirling around his head, tangling around each other in knots.

One such night, JJ takes a break from self-loathing and gets up to go to the bathroom, feet shuffling quietly on the floor to try not to wake Otabek or Yuri. As he creeps back to the sofa however, he hears murmurs coming from the bedroom and can't help pausing outside the door for a moment.

“You can't keep punishing him like this though,” says Otabek. He sounds tired and a little grumpy; JJ can practically see the little line between his eyebrows.

Yuri sounds less tired as he replies, “Fucking watch me.”

“ _Yura_.” There's a shift of bedclothes. “He didn't do anything wrong.”

“He lied to us.”

“He didn't.”

“By omission.”

“We've all done that in the past,” says Otabek. “It's not like we've all told each other about every single past relationship.”

There's a short pause.

“I guess.”

“Plus would you have wanted to explain something like that?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Yuri doesn't respond and JJ hears Otabek sigh.

“Look, I'm sick of this,” says Otabek. “You need to drop it.”

“Oh I _need_ to, do I?”

“Yes,” says Otabek. “And I _know_ you want to so please?”

JJ holds his breath, waiting for Yuri's response.

“Fine.”

 

The next morning, JJ goes about making breakfast (as he continued to the whole time) and soon hears Otabek and Yuri come out of the bedroom and down the hallway. He doesn't turn, unsure how to greet them, but then he feels warmth against his side and looks round to see Otabek standing close to him. As he opens his mouth to say good morning, Otabek leans in and kisses him on the lips, mouth slightly open, and JJ's eyelids flutter in surprise.

When Otabek pulls away again he gives JJ a little smile. “Morning,” he says, before turning.

JJ follows his eyeline to see Yuri standing in the kitchen doorway, pouting slightly. As their eyes meet, Yuri looks down, flushing slightly.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“For?” prompts Otabek.

Yuri glowers at him before adding, “For yelling at you and... being a dick.”

JJ glances at Otabek, seeing a little look of triumph on his face.

“Apology accepted,” he says. “I'm... sorry too, for not telling you both about Bella.”

“You're forgiven,” says Otabek firmly, taking one of JJ's hands and squeezing it.

After a short pause, Yuri comes up on JJ's other side, taking his other hand. His face is warm as he rests it against JJ's shoulder. JJ suspects that might be the best he's going to get at this moment in time. When they go to bed that night, Otabek sleeps in the middle to no argument; JJ is just glad not to be stuck on the sofa anymore.

 

Returning to the bed doesn't necessarily mean that JJ starts sleeping better: between Yuri still waking frequently and his own memories continuing to intrude on his thoughts, he's often tired during the day. Wandering through Saint Petersburg and thinking doesn't help either. Three days after Yuri's apology, JJ is walking along by the Neva when he notices a familiar figure coming towards him: Viktor's silver hair gleams in the sunlight as he inclines his head towards JJ. Despite the air of friendliness he's been trying to project, JJ feels a little twinge of hesitancy in his gut. Viktor isn't much taller than him but in his smart suit and coat he cuts an impressive figure and JJ is still very aware of how coldly Viktor treated Yuri when they first arrived. However, there is no such chill in Viktor's demeanour when he comes to a stop by JJ's side and smiles at him. It's an open kind of smile, genuine and kind, and JJ feels his shoulders relax just a little.

“Good morning,” Viktor says. “JJ, right? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” says JJ, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. His hair – the closely-cropped bottom part – tickles his palm and he thinks absently that it needs tidying up. Normally he gets Yuri to do it for him.

“You don't sound very sure,” comments Viktor, head tilting slightly to one side.

JJ shrugs. “I'm fine.”

Viktor considers him, looking him up and down before finally smiling again. “Shall we go get coffee?”

Before he fully realises that he's said yes, JJ finds himself following Viktor to a little café overlooking the river and sitting at a table in a corner. Around them, others chat and go about their business: a pair of mothers with buggies and heavy eye bags nurse strong black coffees while at another table a small gang of students chats rapidly and animatedly (JJ can't even catch most of what they're saying) and in the corner an old man reads a newspaper. Viktor doesn't say much other than to give the waiter their orders, instead choosing to gaze out of the window. He still has that little smile on his face and JJ isn't sure what to make of it so he tries to relax. Once cups of coffee are on the table between them, Viktor finally seems to come out of his reverie.

“What's troubling you?” he asks, lifting his cup to take a sip.

JJ shakes his head. “It's not important.”

Viktor raises an eyebrow, pale blue eyes strangely piercing as he gazes at JJ and sips. When he lowers his cup again, he says, “Don't take this the wrong way because I haven't known you long, but you seem like the cheerful one of your trio.”

JJ gives Viktor a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

“Well Otabek seems rather... stern,” says Viktor.

To JJ, the words seem strange, but then he tries to see it from an outside perspective: around everyone else, especially if they're unfamiliar, Otabek tends to be quieter and more reserved, and JJ can imagine that coming across as stoicism. But at the same time he can't help but think of how Otabek is when it's just him and JJ and Yuri and he laughs freely, laughs at JJ's stupid jokes and Yuri's stupider ones, laughs at films and songs, laughs just because he's happy.

“And we all know what Yuri can be like,” adds Viktor.

And yes, JJ does know what Yuri can be like – he can be surly, rude and downright horrid if he puts his mind to it. God knows JJ's had plenty of first-hand experience this past week alone. That's not what JJ thinks of though, because Yuri can also be thoughtful and kind when he brings Otabek and JJ coffee in bed at the weekends, funny and silly when they watch late night television together, sweet and purring under Otabek and JJ's touches. Of course, Viktor can't possibly know any of that, so JJ just shrugs.

“So what of it?” he asks.

“Just you don't seem the type to look down over something unimportant,” replies Viktor.

JJ stares down at his coffee, a frown creasing his eyebrows. Eventually, he can't stand the silence Viktor leaves around them and says, “It's... just bad memories.”

“Well memories are important,” says Viktor. “It's best not to dismiss them. Is this to do with Isabella?”

JJ hesitates for only a moment before nodding. “Georgi told you?”

“He filled me in on the wider details,” explains Viktor. “Isabella told me the some other very basic things herself but said she wouldn't want to tell your story for you. From what I understand it wasn't the best time in your life.”

If JJ were like Yuri, he'd laugh at the understatement. As it is, he shakes his head. “Not really.”

He sips his coffee thoughtfully, part of him trying to resist the urge to slip back into those memories, but another part urging him to let go and sink into them. He's been battling with the second part – he can't do it, can't think of everything from the past again – but for the first time in days it feels like it might be the right thing. Still cautious, he takes a deep breath.

“My dad was in the business,” he starts. His voice wavers on the words despite himself. “Back in Montréal.”

“ _Preferez-vous parler en_ _français_ _?_ ” asks Viktor. Taken aback, JJ stares at him open-mouthed. Viktor's accent is perfect and, aside from the occasional deal brokered in China and Almaty, JJ hasn't heard or spoken French in years, and the prospect of a break from Russian is tantalising. He nods briefly, seeing that little smile cross Viktor's face again.

“I didn't understand what he did,” continues JJ in French, words flowing easily, “until I had to leave. I understood our family had money and friends but I just thought that was normal, you know? Me and the other kids used to play in the park every weekend and Dad was busy a lot but I didn't mind because we had plenty. But then... he got greedy I guess. From what I understand he was stealing money from people higher up the chain. When everything went south, I was nearest to the airport with... my mum. She got me on a plane but went back to look for my siblings and I... Well I never saw her or dad or any of them ever again. I... I never... found out what happened. I don't want to know.”

It was late at night and the plane crowded; all alone, JJ clutched his backpack, still containing a couple of books and a DS with a few Pokémon games, and tried to make sense of what had happened. In his pocket he had a receipt his mother had hastily scrawled some details on the back of, the only clue he had as to what to do when he got to China. Fourteen hours later, he landed in Shanghai and somehow someone met him at the airport, someone who knew who he was and had somewhere for him to go.

“So you didn't have any closure at all?” asks Viktor, anchoring JJ in the present once more.

JJ shakes his head. “I didn't sleep for three days. I kept asking for information but no one would tell me anything. Eventually I passed out. Then I... I don't really remember the first year there. I didn't speak Mandarin yet and everything was huge and scary. I didn't go out much and I was just... numb I guess. For a long time. After a while I suppose I realised that I couldn't stay like that so I started trying to look around myself and learning the language. I started noticing other people. The woman I was staying with was a friend of my mother's and she had a niece – Bella. She... Whenever I caught her eye she'd smile at me, for no reason at all. She loved reading and I'd forgotten how much I did too so... one day I sat next to her with a book and started reading. She didn't say anything and neither did I – I just... didn't want to be alone for a little while. We sat together a few times a week after that, just reading, until one day she asked me about my book and we started actually talking. It felt good to talk to her and have some semi-normal conversation again. We talked more and more and suddenly I'd been in China nearly two years and didn't even realise it. She was sweet and she smelled nice and she helped me to forget about things for a while so I could start feeling happy again, even if it was only sometimes. We became close and somewhere along the way it became a relationship. It wasn't perfect – I was... jumpy and I woke up in the night a lot...” He swallows, thinking of Yuri. “I didn't tell her but sometimes I wet the bed. Sometimes I had days where I couldn't leave the house or I got angry at her but she was so patient and I did love her.

“We were engaged for about... four months I think, when I ended it. I'd heard some rumours that put me on edge and I didn't want her in danger so I called it off. I don't think it would have lasted anyway – I was... I don't know, but she was so good about it.” JJ clenches his fists to try and stop his hands shaking so much. “And then... I got a letter through my door, no postmark, no address, just my name on the front. It was... Inside there was a picture of my father. The threatening letter didn't even register. I called Bella – I didn't know what else to do. She wanted to come over but I told her not to. I told her to pack a bag and get out, take her aunt with her. She found me at the airport and we said goodbye. If I was getting followed from Canada I didn't want her to be in danger so I told her to get the next flight out no matter where it was. I didn't even see where she was going but I got a plane to Almaty and thought I'd never see her again.”

JJ stops and takes a sip from his coffee, glancing over the rim of his coffee cup to see Viktor gazing at him with a frown. It's a familiar look: pity mostly, with a hint of disbelief. They sit in silence for a few long, slow minutes before Viktor says, “I'm sorry all that happened to you. It's not fair.”

JJ shakes his head, pressing his lips together. Delving through his memories like this has left him feeling fragile, as though his chest has been opened to expose his heart, vulnerable to the air.

“How much do Otabek and Yuri know about this?” asks Viktor.

“Some,” JJ replies. “I didn't mention Bella, just that I had to leave. They know more about Canada than China anyway, and they try not to bring it up.”

“They're good men,” says Viktor.

JJ raises an eyebrow at him. “ _You're_ saying that? About Yuri?”

“Yuri's made his mistakes,” says Viktor, expression unreadable. “There are things the two of us need to discuss but he has to start that himself.”

They return to their earlier silence. JJ's problems don't feel solved exactly but his shoulders feel a little lighter, making it easier to breathe.

“If it helps, Isabella has moved on,” says Viktor. “She and Georgi are more than happy together.”

JJ nods. “I'm glad they found each other.”

“It might be a good idea to explain all this to Yuri and Otabek,” adds Viktor before draining his coffee cup. He seems about to say something else, but then his phone rings. JJ sees Yuuri's face (with an unnecessary number of heart emojis by his name) light up the phone screen before Viktor answers, “Hey sweetie, what's up?”

JJ returns his attention to his coffee, finishing it while he avoids listening in on Viktor's conversation. He manages it for only a few seconds however before he hears Viktor's voice inflecting with worry.

“When did you hear?” he asks. His eyes meet JJ's briefly, brows furrowing as Yuuri speaks to him. “Okay... Right... Where are you now? … Okay stay there, I'm coming to you now... Stay safe my love. See you soon.” He hangs up, looking at JJ more seriously than he has all afternoon. “I've got to go. Can you head home? I... need to see Yuri too – could you let him know I'll be calling him soon and to be careful?”

“What's happened?” asks JJ.

“I'm not sure,” says Viktor. “But I need to go now. I'll see you later, yeah?”

“Okay,” nods JJ, rising as Viktor does and throwing some rubles down on the table before they both leave.

 

What greets JJ when he returns home and opens the door is a deafening crash inches from his face. He blinks, pushing the door open fully to see the remnants of a plate on the floor at his feet and Otabek and Yuri, the latter panting angrily, apparently in some kind of Mexican stand-off.

“Uh... hey guys, what's going on?” he asks. He knows it sounds stupid – the situation is obviously tense – but he has no idea what else to say or do.

“Ask _him_!” snarls Yuri, pointing at Otabek. “I asked him why he was so fucking moody but he wouldn't say anything!”

JJ hesitates in responding. He doesn't want to piss off Otabek but he _has_ been morose lately, and Yuri and JJ have occasionally spoken quietly about it when Otabek isn't around. As far as they can figure out he's homesick, but JJ hasn't wanted to broach the subject and Yuri has been of the 'no sympathy until he brings it up with us' school of thought. It seems the situation has come to a head though.

“I said I don't want to talk about it,” growls Otabek. “Just leave it.”

“Otya,” says JJ, trying to keep his tone gentle. “Can't we–”

“Just drop it,” snaps Otabek, turning so he can look at JJ, a glare on his face that JJ still didn't expect.

“Fucking _cheer up_ then!” says Yuri venomously. “We're sick of being worried about you!”

“ _Seriously_?!” says Otabek, turning his angry stare on Yuri again. “You want to whine about being worried about people?! What the fuck do you think me and JJ have been fucking doing since Almaty? _You_ didn't talk to _us_ when you were up all night! We've spent _weeks_ constantly wondering if you were okay and trying so hard to make you happy! JJ has his own shit going on too and so do I – neither of us _wanted_ to come here!”

“You think I fucking _did_?!” cries Yuri. “This was our last resort!”

“Well maybe _you_ should remember that _you're_ the reason we're here!”

Silence falls, the weight of Otabek's words settling slowly on them like mist on a hill. JJ doesn't dare say a word as Yuri stares at Otabek in shocked outrage. When he finally speaks, his words are icy.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me,” says Otabek, and if JJ had greater presence of mind right now he'd be half tempted to slap him.

“Otya you don't mean th–” he starts, but Yuri cuts him off.

“Do you feel the same?”

JJ gapes at him. “No, I–”

“Don't lie to me.”

“I – I –”

“Right.” Yuri stomps over to the door, shoving past JJ and stalking down the hallway.

“Yura!” JJ calls – he doesn't feel he should approach Yuri for fear he might get his eyes scratched out. “Yura please come back!”

It's no use. Yuri disappears through the fire doors and is gone. With no other options, JJ turns back to Otabek, a look of reproach on his face.

“You shouldn't have said that.”

Otabek simply sighs, walking past JJ out of the apartment, leaving him alone again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pin](https://youtu.be/cwavkax8o3U) \- Grimes


	10. Part 2, Chapter 6: А я уснула в густом тумане

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, here's the next chapter of this nonsense. It's a little shorter - I reworked this one a bunch of times and made it longer at one point but it lost its punch in doing so and I decided I'd rather have a shorter chapter than a weaker chapter so I hope you enjoy!

**Part 2: в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 6: А я уснула в густом тумане**

 

Whether because he's storming there or because he's so consumed with rage that he loses all sense of time and distance, Yuri finds it takes almost no time at all to get to Viktor's. In a way, it's a good thing he got a text from Viktor when he did, asking to meet as soon as possible: it gives him somewhere to go and someone to yell at. Blood pounds, hot and angry, in his ears as he makes his way there and by the time he arrives he's furious.

He slams open the door to Viktor's office, finding him sitting at his desk, looking the same as usual – why is he so fucking _calm_?!

“Yuri,” Viktor greets him, closing his laptop.

Before he can say anything more, Yuri throws the door shut behind himself and moves forward, slamming his hands down on the desk.

“I've fucking _had enough_!” he shouts, voice laced with all the frustration that's been festering inside him. “You act like I'm not good enough to lick your fucking boots but _you're_ the one still holding a fucking grudge!”

Something flashes in Viktor's eyes and he gets up, his chair rolling back as he comes nose to nose with Yuri. “And you're saying _you_ wouldn't be doing the same in my position?”

“I wouldn't be such a dick about it.”

“Oh come on Yuri,” scoffs Viktor, standing up straight and folding his arms across his chest. “Who the hell do you think you're trying to kid?”

Yuri bristles, still leaning against the desk. “Look I get that you're still pissed off at me but you know I don't want to be here so why can't you just fucking drop it? I'm already miserable!”

“Maybe you should have thought of that when you endangered Mila's life and then left.”

“Oh my god, why is _everything_ my fucking fault?!” Yuri cries, stepping back and throwing his hands in the air. “It's _my_ fault we're stuck in Saint Petersburg, it's _my_ fault everything's gone to shit, it's _my_ fault that things went wrong and Mila nearly died. I was _eighteen_ years old when that happened – you can't dump that responsibility on a teenager!”

“And what do you think _I_ was dealing with at that age?”

The question takes Yuri aback: much like he never really talked to JJ or Otabek about life before Almaty, he's never known Viktor to speak about his past at all. What he knows of Viktor's life he's only heard in passing from others and he isn't sure any of it is even true. He's been in this business for a long time – that Yuri is certain of – and his parents _were_ probably terrible, but then again he can't be sure about any of it. Viktor's face betrays no answers now and Yuri's shoulders slump.

“Why didn't you tell me she was okay?” he asks instead.

Viktor cocks an eyebrow at him. “You didn't exactly follow up on her yourself.”

It's true – as painful as that is to think. Yuri frowns at Viktor. “If I admit I fucked up will you please explain? I get that I shot her and that's my fault.”

Viktor gazes at him silently before sighing and pulling his chair in again to sit down once more. “Take a seat,” he suggests, arching his fingers as Yuri does so. “Look – I'm not angry about that job – not at you. You didn't mean to shoot Mila and between you and me I suspect that the situation was going to go south from the get-go. I was angry at you because you left when everything was still up in the air regarding her condition. It was as though you didn't care whether she lived or not and it hurt us all to have to deal with losing you when we thought we were going to lose her too.”

“I... I'm sorry,” Yuri says, staring down at his knees. “I didn't think of it like that.”

A wry smile appears in Viktor's voice. “You were scared – I get it. I forgive you.”

Yuri looks up at him. “Thank you.”

“It's fine,” Viktor says. “I wanted us to reach this point sooner but I wanted you to be more settled first.”

“Right...” Yuri isn't sure what to say to that.

“You still seem agitated,” observes Viktor, reclining a little in his chair. When Yuri gives a non-committal shrug he asks, “Are JJ and Otabek okay?”

Yuri makes a face. “We had a fight,” he admits. “I left.”

“That bad?” asks Viktor.

“Otabek basically said none of this would have happened if it wasn't for me,” says Yuri, watching Viktor's eyes widen in surprise. “JJ... didn't disagree.”

He falls into sullen silence and Viktor shakes his head. “I wouldn't have expected that.”

“You and me both,” says Yuri, frowning at him.

“Was there any context to it? asks Viktor. “It seems disproportionately cruel to say out of nowhere.”

“No. Well... Okay, I was trying to tell Otabek to cheer the fuck up. And I might have thrown a plate at him.”

“Ah,” says Viktor.

Yuri runs one finger along the side seam of his jeans. “He's right though, isn't he?”

“How so?” Viktor asks.

“Well it is my fault,” says Yuri. “If I hadn't pulled the trigger then we wouldn't have had to leave Almaty.”

“From what I've been told you had no choice.”

Yuri shrugs. “I don't even know anymore.”

Before either of them can say anything further, the door to the office opens and Yuri turns to see Yuuri come into the room. He nods to Yuri with a pleasant smile as he closes the door behind himself and approaches the desk, but there's an unmissable tension in his jaw that eclipses it. The unease spiking in Yuri's stomach stabs harder when Viktor stands, fixing Yuuri with a concerned expression that he recognises even after years away: Viktor is on high alert.

“What were you able to find out?” he asks Yuuri.

“Not much,” says Yuuri, coming to stand by Viktor's side. “Georgi tried to get more information but neither of us could have done more without exposing ourselves.”

“Any idea on numbers?”

“Maybe twelve.”

“Damn... might be manageable though.”

“What's going on?”asks Yuri, pushing himself to his feet and eyeing them both suspiciously.

Yuuri and Viktor exchange a glance before Yuuri says, “I... don't want to say anything to worry you.”

“Too late,” says Yuri, feeling his heartbeat in his throat, making his voice shake. “Tell me.”

Yuuri hesitates but then says, “We heard some rumours a few days ago about certain people being in Saint Petersburg. I did some investigating at Viktor's request and it seems those rumours are very true.”

Yuri swallows, his mouth suddenly dry. “Which people?”

He doesn't need to ask, not really; he knows the answer from the tense line in Viktor's neck and the way Yuuri's looking at him, even before Viktor responds.

“Men from Almaty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [На краю](https://youtu.be/5epVgHJmXR8) \- Fleur


	11. Part 2, Chapter 7: Underneath the universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I made myself sad proofing this chapter before posting despite the fact that most of it is kind of just filth so warning for ~emotions~ here! This is the last chapter of part 2 so there will be no chapter next week, but I have another fic I might upload (different fandom) in the mean time. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

**Part 2: в Ленинграде**

**Chapter 7: Underneath the universe**

 

When Yuri gets back to the apartment, he finds JJ and Otabek sitting in the living room. Otabek looks sullen and JJ strained, but he's relieved that they're both there.

His journey back was hurried, with a creeping feeling on his back like someone's eyes on him all through the city as he went. Half of him expected not to make it back at all, and he only let himself breathe a sigh of relief when he was ascending the stairwell of the apartment block. He's trembling now – normally he wouldn't feel so nervous with JJ and Otabek with him but what Viktor and Yuuri told him is playing on a loop in his mind and he knows they parted on less than stellar terms.

He stayed there for a while after Yuuri's arrival, talking (sometimes shouting) but he knew he needed to get back. More than anything, he wants Otabek and JJ's company right now. He wants to feel their arms around him, their lips on his skin and their bodies pressed close to his own. So he fights the instinct to run and lowers his head.

“I'm sorry,” he says, voice barely anything above the soft hum of the boiler in the kitchen. Neither Otabek nor JJ says anything and when Yuri deigns to look at them he sees them both staring back in surprise. He doesn't blame them – apologies aren't frequent from him, or at least they weren't before coming back to Russia. “I'm really sorry. I just... I feel bad for getting angry because it's not fair on either of you and...” He gulps, sniffing. “And I just... I just want to be with you and I know I've... wrecked everything but... but I... I can't change it now. I'm sorry I brought you both here and...”

He crumples against the door frame, eyes screwed shut against threatening hot tears and his hands on his head. Briefly he tries to draw in a breath to continue speaking but then he feels them both embrace him and he gives in, sobbing into a broad chest while strong arms encircle him from all around. Two pairs of lips drop kisses in his hair as he cries.

“I'm sorry,” he gasps again, not even sure what he's apologising for anymore. Is it for his outburst earlier? For bringing them to Saint Petersburg? Or is he apologising for something he hasn't even done yet but which he can feel threatening the horizon like an oncoming storm? He shakes his head, only to himself and croaks, “I love you... I love you so much.”

“Love you too,” Otabek says softly, kissing Yuri's cheek.

“We love you more than anything,” says JJ, nuzzling into the side of Yuri's neck.

“I'm sorry,” Yuri says again – he can't help it.

“Stop apologising.” Otabek puts one hand under Yuri's chin and lifts it, leaning in and kissing him on the lips. Yuri's eyelids flutter shut and he sags against JJ, letting Otabek's tongue slide along his own. When they part again, Otabek says, “I'm sorry for snapping at you... and for storming off.” He looks up at JJ and Yuri watches a half smile cross JJ's face.

“It's okay,” he says. “If we're apologising for things I'm sorry I didn't try and speak to you both about things earlier.”

Yuri links his fingers with JJ's hand where it rests on his hip while Otabek entwines an arm around his waist. The three of them exchange more kisses, hands searching for one another as they make their slow way across the room and sink together onto the sofa. Yuri lets his head tilt back, feeling Otabek's lips travelling up and down his throat as JJ bites at Otabek's shoulder before sitting up.

“Shall we wipe the slate clean?” JJ asks. “Just call it all water under the bridge and move on?”

Otabek sits up, kissing him, and Yuri blinks back more wetness in his eyes, heart aching at JJ's words. He feels strangely soft and tender around the edges, and he nods, not trusting himself to speak. When JJ and Otabek part and look down at him, Yuri leans up to meet them, kissing JJ while Otabek returns to his neck. A hand – he's not sure whose – wanders up Yuri's top, fingers brushing over his nipple, and he lets his lips fall open to the brush of JJ's tongue. He lifts his hand, tangling his fingers in Otabek's hair and sighing when he feels Otabek's teeth graze his clavicle. Their lips and hands seem to wake his body, starting to kindle a flame inside him – he wants them to stoke it into a wildfire, let it consume them all and keep them together forever. It's easy to forget about everything outside this room with JJ and Otabek around him, drawing soft sighs and quiet profanities from him while they utter their own and they all slowly disrobe, eventually getting down to bare skin.

Yuri kisses Otabek's neck, nibbling at the skin like Otabek did to him earlier and enjoying the sweet, dulcet little moans he lets out – no one else in the world gets to hear these, gets to know him or JJ like Yuri does. Leaning back into JJ's chest, Otabek lets them run their hands up and down his body and sighs. As Yuri carries on mouthing at one side of Otabek's neck, JJ's lips travel across his other shoulder while his hand drags down Otabek's side and slowly over his hip.

“Ah!” Otabek stiffens in JJ's lap as JJ closes his fist around his cock and Yuri's tongue swipes along his collarbone. Sinking down, Yuri leaves more kisses and soft bites over Otabek's skin, eventually dragging his tongue over one nipple. When Yuri glances up into Otabek's face he sees dark eyes looking back at him with the pupils satisfyingly blown. He licks slow circles around Otabek's nipple, relishing the sight of Otabek biting his lip on a soft whine as JJ's hand starts moving in earnest.

“You like that?” JJ asks, lips brushing Otabek's ear and his gaze meeting Yuri's down Otabek's chest. His thumb brushes over the head of Otabek's dick and Otabek gasps, nodding; Yuri feels fingers clutching at his shoulder. He settles his own hands on Otabek's widely parted knees as his lips leave the nipple he's been teasing to travel down Otabek's taut stomach, leaving kisses on the warm skin. When he reaches JJ's hand slowly stroking Otabek's cock he sticks his tongue out and licks the tip.

“ _Yura_...” Otabek whines as Yuri licks again and JJ's hand slows down, letting Yuri take over. The hitch of Otabek's breath makes Yuri's heart race and he smirks up at him as he lets his mouth open further so he can close his lips around the head.

JJ's fingers slip down briefly to run over Otabek's balls before he pulls his hand away entirely and Yuri hears him murmur, “Want me to finger you open?”

Otabek nods quickly, choking on any kind of verbal response as Yuri starts bobbing his head, swirling his tongue around Otabek's erection. More soft little moans leave Otabek's lips, his toes curling as Yuri continues to suck his dick and the sound of JJ popping open the bottle of lube comes from behind him. The moans change slowly into the whimpers Otabek usually makes when one of them fingers him and his grip tightens on Yuri's shoulder.

“Relax,” JJ urges, voice sweet and loving, and Otabek's knees soften a little in Yuri's grip. He takes deeper breaths, the noise mingling with Yuri's sucking and the quiet sound of JJ's fingers moving in and out of him. As Yuri glances up at him, he sees a look of bliss on Otabek's face: eyes half-lidded and unfocused with a soft flush on his cheeks and a tiny smile playing at the corner of his mouth.

Letting his gaze slip sidewards to JJ's face where it rests on Otabek's shoulder, Yuri sees him wink and he quirks an eyebrow back before taking Otabek's cock right to the back of his throat. At the same time he feels JJ's fingers thrust into Otabek and Otabek cries out, throwing his head back: JJ must have finally rubbed his prostate. JJ keeps up the assault, making Otabek writhe in his lap, and Yuri feels Otabek's knees jerking under his hands again.

“JJ!” Otabek groans. He sounds like he might be able to beg for him to stop but then instead he adds, “JJ please fuck me!”

“Gladly,” JJ grins.

After some manoeuvring, Otabek slowly sinks onto JJ's dick with another moan and Yuri redoubles his efforts, swallowing around the head of Otabek's cock. They settle into a rhythm together, Otabek lifting and lowering himself in JJ's lap while Yuri does his best to keep pace with his mouth and hands. JJ's grip tightens on Otabek's hips and Yuri hears him groaning against Otabek's neck. He keeps one hand working alongside his mouth, massaging Otabek's balls, but lets the other drift down, finally stroking his own erection. The soft moan he lets out sends a tingle through Otabek's cock and makes the hand on his shoulder grip still harder.

“Yura...” He squeezes Yuri's shoulder more insistently, hand shaking slightly.

Yuri looks up at him again, vision swimming a little as he squeezes his erection and lets his mouth drop open to give Otabek a good view of his cock resting on Yuri's tongue. It seems to do the trick: Otabek gasps and slams his hips down to get JJ's dick to hit his prostate.

“Oh fuck,” Otabek groans, nails digging into Yuri's shoulder and JJ's wrist. His lips tremble minutely and Yuri leans up, capturing them in a kiss and earning more soft whimpers into his mouth as he seeks Otabek's erection with his fingers. Taking it and his own in one hand, he starts to stroke them together; Otabek pulls away, letting out a high whine. JJ pulls them both closer with strong arms and thrusts up hard into Otabek, making him squirm between himself and Yuri.

“You enjoying yourself?” he asks, prompting a nod from Otabek. With another slick grin at Yuri, he asks, “You going to come for us?”

Otabek's next nod is cut short: Yuri feels his cock twitch and then cum spattering his hand and their stomachs as Otabek lets out a long moan. Following suit is irresistible and Yuri soon cries out too, adding to the mess on their skin, his hand still moving to draw out their pleasure. Underneath them, JJ moves his hips a few more times before coming too, biting wolfishly down on Otabek's shoulder.

They slow gradually to a stop, collapsing together on the sofa and trading kisses. With the sleepy feeling of satisfaction playing about his mind, Yuri sinks into the embrace, wanting to remember this moment: the smell of their skin and the gradually slowing pulses underneath. They start to clean up and get ready for bed, and Yuri knows how easy it would be to just fall asleep and stay there, letting their slow breaths and warm hands bring him comfort, but there's a sour feeling in his stomach he can't ignore.

The bed is warm and perfect with them both. Yuri lies on one side of Otabek and JJ on the other, both of them wrapping their arms around him and kissing him and each other. The world outside of the three of them melts away and Yuri curls into the bedclothes, swallowing down his fear. One last perfect night is all he wanted, and if this isn't as close to perfect as he can get he doesn't know what is.

When he's sure both Otabek and JJ are sound asleep, Yuri slips out from under the covers and silently redresses, fingers shaking just a little on the zip of his largest hoodie. He tip-toes to the living room and retrieves paper and a pen, leaning on the kitchen counter to scribble a letter. It's not long: he doesn't dare drag it out lest he lose his nerve. Once he's done, he leaves it on the counter and pulls on his coat, turning in the doorway to look back towards the bedroom.

“I love you,” he whispers before leaving the apartment, feeling a crack fork across his heart at the sound of the closing door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [When Tomorrow Comes](https://youtu.be/sYpGQwPw1uo) \- Eurythmics


	12. Part 3, Chapter 1: Just wrap me up in chains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here begins the final part of this story. The chapters from here on are a little shorter - mostly because that's just how they worked out - but I hope you'll enjoy them.

**Part 3: Spiral**

**Chapter 1: Just wrap me up in chains**

 

The following morning, Otabek wakes suddenly when JJ shakes him roughly by the shoulders.

“Otabek! Otabek wake up!”

He hasn't heard that tone in JJ's voice in months – it puts him on edge right away and he sits up, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he focuses on JJ's face.

“What's wrong?” he asks. After half a moment looking around the room, he adds, “Where's Yuri?”

JJ presses a sheet of paper into Otabek's chest. “Read this.”

Otabek takes the paper in hand as JJ launches himself back off the bed to retrieve clothes. The note is short and scribbled, the lines of text uneven:

 

_Моя любовь –_

_I'm sorry. I don't expect you to understand this but please know it's the only thing I can do. I found out people from Almaty have found us here and I brokered a deal. I'm the one they want. You're both safe and so is Grandpa but only if I hand myself over. Please don't come after me. Just let me go, find somewhere new and be happy together. Remember me if you want to._

_I love you. I love you so much._

_Your Yuri_

 

Even after reading the note twice, Otabek barely feels the words sinking in. He lifts his gaze to JJ once more.

“When did you find this?”

“Just now,” says JJ, stepping into his jeans. “He must have left during the night.” He pulls them up and zips them, raising his eyebrows at Otabek. “Well? Are you going to sit there looking gormless all day or are you going to get dressed and come help me?”

Seemingly roused by either the words or JJ's tone, Otabek finally scrambles out from under the duvet and dives for his own jeans, tugging them hurriedly on. “What's the plan? Do you have a plan?”

“Not in the slightest,” says JJ with a shake of his head. “But we have to go find him.”

Otabek frowns at the note as the searches for a t-shirt to put on – everything he pulls out of the drawer seems to be Yuri's. “He's not going to be happy with us for going after him.”

JJ folds his arms. “Are you suggesting we don't?”

“Not for a second.” Otabek looks up, fixing JJ with a serious look. “But we're going to have to be careful if men from Almaty are here. We have to find him but you know he'll kill us if we put ourselves in danger.”

JJ seems to consider this, leaning against the bedroom doorway while Otabek finally finds a t-shirt and pulls it on. Underneath the fabric, Otabek's heart is racing along with his thoughts, visiting every possibility but not daring to actually consider any of them in any real way. The idea of Yuri leaving them like this hurts unbearably; Otabek feels sick to his stomach and he can see the same fear in JJ's eyes.

Yuri almost certainly meant it when he wrote that note: he doesn't want them following him, whatever the reason, and Otabek knows if – _when_ – they find him, he'll chew them both out. That is if he doesn't run first, which Otabek wouldn't put past him. It's not a question of whether they follow or not – they don't have a choice, not really – but what might happen next.

No matter what, they have no time to lose – of that they can both be certain – but once Otabek has shrugged on his hoodie and grabbed his keys and phone, he stops, looking at JJ again.

“I... don't know where to begin,” he admits.

He wonders if JJ might be about to reveal some grand plan but then he shakes his head in defeat. “I don't know either.”

They gaze at each other for a long moment – Otabek can feel the cogs turning in his own head and see the same look in JJ's eyes – before the pair of them sink back down onto the bed together.

“I can't even think where he could be,” says JJ, staring at his knees. “I know we've been here a while but this place is still lost on me. What about you?”

“I mean... I know parts of it kind of well,” reasons Otabek, “but if he's got any kind of bolthole from when he was younger he hasn't told either of us and we won't find it on our own.” He frowns, thinking of something. “You tried calling him, right?”

JJ looks at him with a frown. “I assumed he wouldn't answer.”

“So you didn't try?” asks Otabek.

JJ flushes a little. “Well, no, I... I panicked when I found the note and came to wake you.”

The look of worry on his face is so pronounced that Otabek can't help reaching out and pulling him into a hug, kissing him on the cheek and holding him close. He's trembling all over and he clings to Otabek, as though afraid of losing him too. Otabek curls protectively against him, giving in to the urge to hold and be held, letting JJ's familiar scent give him some comfort in the maelstrom of fear and worry raging through him. Eventually JJ sniffs and shifts in his arms and Otabek lets go, leaving one last steadying kiss on JJ's lips as they part and he retrieves his phone.

“I'll try him,” he says as he opens his contacts and finds Yuri. “He might not answer.”

JJ nods and Otabek makes the call, putting it on speaker. For some time they sit in silent limbo, waiting for it to connect. Otabek feels as though he's holding his breath for an eternity, running through every possible scenario in his head. He's never been all that religious – he spent too much time as a kid getting into trouble to listen to his äje when she told him he should come to mosque more often – but now he prays to every single deity he can think of that Yuri will just answer and they can persuade him to come home so they can figure things out together. But his silent prayers are in vain: it goes to voicemail, the automated voice telling them to leave a message. He's about to hang up but JJ's hand closes around his wrist and JJ leans in towards the phone.

“Yura,” he says after the beep. “We just got your note and we know you're scared but please... come home or at least call us. We'll get through this together – we always have before and we love you so much. Please, just...” He swallows, blinking back tears, and Otabek takes over, putting his free hand on JJ's knee.

“Yura,” he says, astounded at the steadiness of his voice. “We love you and we want to help you. Please... don't do this. We'll both keep our phones on and really hope to hear from you.” He hovers on the word 'bye' – something in him protests at the finality of it, afraid of it being the last thing he says to him. The possibility clogs his throat and makes his eyes sting. Instead, he squeezes JJ's knee and says “love you” once more before hanging up.

The bedroom goes silent once again and Otabek drops his phone on the bed, resting his chin in his hand while his other stays on JJ's knee. His mind is racing, going through possibilities and scenarios, and for a moment he wants to just sink back into the bed with JJ and try not to think for a while. But then an idea hits him.

He stands, pulling JJ up with him.

“What's up?” JJ asks.

Otabek looks up at him, brows furrowed. “Get your shoes – we're going to speak to Viktor.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Stay](https://youtu.be/RqrbctR-22I) \- Shakespears Sister


	13. Part 3, Chapter 2: All that hunts you down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of everyone frantically running around St Petersburg in this chapter... Enjoy!

**Part 3: Spiral**

**Chapter 2: All that hunts you down**

 

JJ has never known Otabek to chance quite so many red lights as in that short trip across the city to Viktor's office. He clings to Otabek's waist the whole way, holding back cries of surprise whenever they go over bumps in the road and the bike jolts underneath them, his heart racing and making him feel dizzy. A sharp turn at a junction makes his head spin sickeningly and he screws his eyes shut under the helmet to avoid watching the streets whirling around him.

Behind his eyelids, all he can feel is panic, an overwhelming sensation of falling with no safety net. With Otabek seeming to have turned to anger, JJ isn't sure what to do beyond following him wherever he might go: he has no real idea what to do himself and he won't even consider splitting up to search for Yuri. Knowing that men from Kazakhstan have managed to track them down here does nothing for his nerves – if he were to not even have Otabek beside him he thinks he would probably fall apart, especially if either of them ran into their unexpected visitors.

In the black void of questions, JJ is in free fall. He can hardly stand to comprehend the idea of Yuri being hurt and so he pushes it away, trying desperately to hold it off from wrapping itself around his heart and taking root. They've evaded it all so far – what's to stop them continuing to do so? The only part missing is Yuri and that is what creeps into JJ, crawling under his skin and tugging at his bones. If Yuri took off like that, does he not trust him and Otabek to be able to get him through this? Has he lost his faith in them? The note said love (it's one of the Russian words JJ is most certain of and familiar with) but was it just a placating thing? What would be the point?

JJ bites his lip inside the helmet and shakes his head as they swing around another corner to loud honks from other vehicles. Yuri must have meant it when he said he loved them, but JJ's not stupid enough to think that precludes Yuri not being able to believe in them anymore. As hard as JJ tries, he can't shake the feeling, the question of whether Yuri genuinely wanted to leave them, and the sour aftertaste it brings into his throat. Even if Yuri has lost faith in them, he doesn't want to lose faith in him.

But, as he's quickly learning, what he wants isn't always what he gets.

When they get to Viktor's office building, Otabek practically throws himself from the bike, whipping off his helmet and storming inside while JJ follows him. He doesn't bother knocking at the office itself, instead pushing open the heavy wooden door and striding inside. At his desk, Viktor looks up as they enter.

“Please do come in, no need to knock; it's not like anyone does anymore.”

His eyebrows are pulled low over his blue eyes – JJ isn't sure what the expression says but thankfully he does see the way Otabek's shoulders are flexing and jumps between them to block the punch before Otabek can land it, pushing him back and away from the desk.

“What the hell?!” Otabek glares up at JJ. “Fuck are you doing?”

“Do _not_ punch him,” says JJ firmly, keeping his hands on Otabek's shoulders. “Things are already a mess without you picking a fight.”

“You're very lucky Yuuri isn't here,” says Viktor. They both turn to look at him (JJ keeping his grip on Otabek) to see him still sitting at his desk. JJ would think him relaxed but he can see the set of Viktor's jaw that belies stress. “He wouldn't have stopped at holding you back.”

Otabek glares at him and tries to push JJ away, succeeding only in making JJ grip his shoulders harder; there won't be a fight if JJ can help it. Thankfully after only a short struggle, Otabek stops, holding up his hands in surrender, and JJ finally lets go. Had it been Yuri, he would have only loosened his grip, but he knows Otabek won't try anything more at this point.

“I'm assuming this is about Yuri?” asks Viktor.

“So you _do_ know something about it?” Otabek bristles but fortunately doesn't make another move to swing at Viktor.

“What do you know?” asks JJ.

“Probably as much as you,” frowns Viktor. “Which I assume isn't much.”

JJ shakes his head. “We woke up and he was gone – he left this.”

Stepping forward, he drops the note on Viktor's desk and for several long moments they wait in silence while Viktor reads it. Eventually, he sighs.

“Please sit down,” he says.

They comply silently, both sitting on the edges of their seats. With one last glance over the paper, Viktor leans back in his seat with another frown.

“And this is all you know?” he asks.

They nod and Viktor sighs again.

“I'm sorry I can't offer any further explanation,” he says. “All I did was tell him that the men were here when I heard.”

“So you didn't suggest that he do this?” asks Otabek.

JJ gapes at him; does Otabek really think Viktor would do something like that? The time he spent with Viktor – was it really only yesterday? – made him feel like he was a genuinely good person, but can Otabek see that? JJ swallows, unsure what to say, and Viktor raises an eyebrow.

“Yuri is perfectly capable of making selfish decisions on his own,” he says. “Like I say, all I did was tell him that the people were here. After that, it's all on him.”

“So what do we do now?” asks JJ.

“We try to find him,” replies Viktor. “Yuuri is out doing what he can to track him down and said he'd get back to me.”

“We're just waiting then?” asks Otabek.

“Afraid so,” replies Viktor, sitting back in his chair. “I assume you're done trying to pick a fight?”

Otabek drops his gaze to his knees, brows furrowing and face flushing in embarrassment as he mutters, “Sorry.”

Viktor arches one eyebrow. “Apology accepted.”

As the three of them settle into silence – Viktor typing on his laptop and Otabek fiddling distractedly with his phone while JJ wonders at how different Viktor can seem to be in all the different contexts in which they've spent time together. When JJ got here with Yuri and Otabek, Viktor seemed distant, which became a businesslike attitude, and JJ thought he had figured him out at that point, but then they spent time together yesterday and Viktor seemed much kinder. Despite coming home to a plate nearly hitting him in the face, JJ spent a lot of time yesterday smiling to himself at having been able to speak French to someone and not have it be business. Now... well, JJ can understand part of why Yuri left Saint Petersburg.

Thankfully, it isn't too long before they all hear a knock at the door and Yuuri enters. Viktor gets to his feet, JJ and Otabek following suit.

“What have you found out?” Viktor asks, stepping around the desk and going to his husband, hands coming to rest on Yuuri's shoulders. His brow creases in worry and JJ gives up on trying to understand the changeability of Viktor's personality. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” assures Yuuri, a comforting hand on Viktor's chest. He steps back and turns to the others, saying, “We have a time and location.”

“Where and when?” asks Otabek.

“Seems they picked a place in the Krasnogvardeysky district,” says Yuuri. “Probably to try and make a quick getaway afterwards. Should be tonight.”

“So we go and intercept?” asks JJ. He's not sure where the district is but every moment they spend apart from Yuri physically hurts and JJ needs to know they have a way to fix it.

“We need to get backup,” says Yuuri. “I'll call Mila and Georgi and ask them to prepare.”

“And what can we do?” asks Otabek.

“Get whatever stuff together you need to,” says Viktor. “Meet back here in” – he checks his watch – “two hours?”

Otabek nods and JJ says, “We'll see you then.”

The two of them leave; as he closes the door behind himself, JJ briefly sees a look pass between Viktor and Yuuri. With Otabek striding ahead of him down the staircase already, he doesn't get much time to reflect on it, but when he's holding onto Otabek as they speed across town on the bike back to theirs, he realises that the best word he can find to describe it is _knowing_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fire and Ice](https://youtu.be/PlkLlIE7FBM) \- Within Temptation


	14. Part 3, Chapter 3: I'm tearing you asunder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'll say for this chapter is I'm sorry.

**Part 3: Spiral**

**Chapter 3: I'm tearing you asunder**

By the time afternoon draws in, the tension in Otabek's stomach is almost painful. When they got back to the apartment, neither he nor JJ know what to do with themselves. They didn't exactly have any preparations to make, with JJ's gun being in some building's foundations somewhere near Turkistan and none of them having been willing to replace it, and JJ seemed pensive, so after helplessly wandering the apartment for a while, Otabek eventually collapsed onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. He could feel everything in him swirling in a cyclone: anger and worry but, more than anything else, desperate fear like he hadn't felt since they'd left Almaty. It made him feel sick and dizzy, even when JJ sat beside him and put a warm hand on the small of his back. Together they sat in silence, listening to rain beginning to fall outside, and tried to figure out what they were supposed to do.

Now, clothes damp from the ride over to Viktor's office and heart battering frantically against his ribs like a caged bird, Otabek sits beside JJ on the sofa and waits for the rest of the group to gather. There's a faint rushing in his ears as he stares past everyone and everything else in the room, following the progress of a bird from one building to another through the window.

Where the hell is Yuri? If Otabek knew where to find him he'd do so, scoop him up on the back of his bike and carry him and JJ off to some secret place where they could hide and wait out the storm together. He wants to bring them both into an embrace, tell Yuri to stop being ridiculous and sweeten him, soften him between himself and JJ, reach once again for the singular joy they find in one another. His dark eyes lower to his hands and he contemplates the simple band on his ring finger. Yuri is still wearing his, right? Would he have taken it off with an overwhelming sense of guilt or is he staring at it now with the same fear thrumming through him, wherever he is?

"Otya?"

The nickname, coupled with a gentle hand on his shoulder, draws Otabek out of his thoughts and he looks up into JJ's deep blue eyes.

"Everyone's here," JJ says softly. "Time to... figure out what we're doing." JJ's other hand, bearing his own ring, comes to rest on Otabek's and he gives him a tender, slightly wobbly, look. "You okay?"

Otabek nods, trying for a wry smile back. "No but let's get on with it." He squeezes JJ's hand. "I love you."

"I love you too." JJ squeezes back, kissing him quickly on the forehead before settling back in his seat again, keeping his hand in Otabek's as Georgi perches on the arm of the sofa beside Otabek. Mila, Viktor and Yuuri gather round and together try to form a plan.

 

The rain worsens over the rest of the day – by the time they're in a car at one (very dark) end of the alley, it's torrential and they can barely see out of the front windscreen. In the back seat, Otabek stares at the flickering light down the alleyway illuminating the dumpster and faded poster on the opposite wall and clutches JJ's hand in his own. On his other side, Mila is carefully loading her revolver, dropping bullets delicately into each chamber before pulling the barrel and cylinder back and locking them in place. Viktor said he could arrange firearms for both Otabek and JJ but they refused – the plan doesn't involve anyone getting shot and Otabek doesn't want the temptation so close to hand. In the front, Viktor and Yuuri speak in hushed tones, dsicussing directions and roads, occasionally veering off into Japanese though Otabek isn't sure why.

Tension coils under his skin, crawling up his back and wrapping itself around his bones. He feels throttled by it, his breath stuck in his chest where it aches, jagged and fearful. The hammering of rain on the roof distracts him only a little, as tightly-wound as he is, until the sound is joined by that of an engine.

From the opposite end of the alley, dipped headlights appear, piercing like bright needles of illumination through the thick blanket of darkness. The car stops but the lights stay on, two tall men emerging from the front seat; Otabek can recall their faces from Almaty and curses that the intelligence they got was accurate as more people get out of the back seat. They linger near the car, patting their hips where Otabek can see guns glinting in the near darkness, and despite everything, Otabek prays again: prays that Yuri won't be there, that he won't appear and in a few days or weeks they might get a call or letter telling them to meet him somewhere.

Maybe he _should_ have gone to mosque more. If he had, perhaps Yuri wouldn't appear from the side alley as he does now, his gait and the curtain of blonde hair unmistakeable even under the oversized hoodie he wears. JJ's hand tenses in his own and Otabek fights the urge to leap from the car. Even if Viktor didn't tell them not to do so when they were planning this in his office, the other guys have guns, and Otabek isn't stupid. Instead, they watch as Yuri approaches the men, pulling his hands from his pockets and holding them up to show his lack of weapons. Even through the heavy rain, Otabek can see Yuri trembling, his hands shaking in the cold, wet night. His ring glints on his finger and Otabek's heart skips a beat.

"I can't watch this anymore," warns JJ; when Otabek glances to the side he can see JJ's free hand on the car door handle. "What if they shoot him on the spot?"

"They won't," insists Otabek. He knows they'll want to bring Yuri back to Almaty first to make sure he understands exactly how bad things are going to be for him – after that point there's no telling what they'll do, but Otabek doubts it'll be as quick as death. His instincts still scream at him to get Yuri back as soon as possible but those guns scare him just enough and Viktor was very clear on their instructions here. Otabek isn't entirely sure why but he said they would need to wait until the Kazakh men did something specific before they could make a move. They all watch in silence as Yuri speaks to the men, his back betraying nothing. Of course, they can't hear a word of what's being said, and with the driving rain it's all but impossible to read the Almaty men's lips, even as they all squint to try and do so.

"Come on..." says Mila softly. When Otabek glances over he sees the fingers of her free hand twisting nervously in the hem of her top. Her face is set but there's a tremble in her lips as she watches the exchange and it hits him suddenly just how much Yuri's been lying when he's told them that no one else cares about him. If anything goes wrong (as much as Otabek is trying desperately _not_ to think of that), it will be more than just himself and JJ left heartbroken.

One of the guys speaking to Yuri steps closer to him and they watch as he lifts one hand to take hold of Yuri's chn. The sight of it, combined with the leering grin on the man's face, makes Otabek's stomach roil; he wants to push the man away, and he can see Yuri stopping himself from doing the same. Time seems to drag by as the man leans in close to Yuri and judging by the choked sound JJ makes, he managed to get the same gist Otabek did from reading his lips.

But then the man's hand clamps around the back of Yuri's neck and suddenly he's being dragged towards the car, his steps faltering as he tries to resist the movement.

"Viktor?"

Yuuri's voice sounds strangely loud in the otherwise quiet car, inflected in the way it always is but urgent. When Viktor says nothing, and Yuri continues to be slowly taken towards the car, Otabek feels JJ's leg tense up against his own.

" _Viktor_." Yuuri reaches for Viktor's arm, grasping at his sleeve.

For a long moment, Otabek feels his stomach dropping like he's on a rollercoaster, but then JJ opens the car door, leaping out, and Otabek can't keep from following, his heart in his throat.

"Yuri!" JJ calls, voice cracking in the darkness.

Yuri and the man stop in their tracks, both looking over their shoulders at Otabek and JJ. Even in the dim light, Otabek can see how wide Yuri's eyes are, how scared he is in that instant.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yuri calls back. "Get out of here!"

"We can't!" calls Otabek – he can't keep it in.

"Don't be stupid!" yells Yuri. "I said I was dealing with this – just go! Please!"

"We can't!" says JJ. Behind them, Otabek hears Viktor, Yuuri and Mila also getting out of the car. "We can't let you!"

"Please!" cries Yuri desperately. "Please just get out of here!"

Anything Otabek or JJ might be about to say in response is cut off by the sound of metal – a gun cocking. Yuri whips round; the guy who was holding him has let go and is pointing his gun at Otabek and JJ.

Everything seems to go into slow motion: Otabek watches Yuri's head turn his terrified gaze on him and JJ. Yuri starts to run towards them, throwing splashes all over when his footfalls land in puddles, and Otabek finds himself moving too, with JJ, the pair of them rushing towards Yuri.

But then the shots ring out, three of them, and Otabek's heart stops. Yuri lurches forward, blood spurting from his lips as he falls to the ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God)](https://youtu.be/8rIjsa85UVk) \- Kate Bush


	15. Part 3, Chapter 4: From the end to the start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I'm so sorry for being a day late in uploading this! I fully intended to have this chapter up yesterday but I came to my parents' for Christmas and then I was out literally all day and it slipped my mind BUT I hope you enjoy this chapter - this is the last one before the epilogue and the end of this mad old ride!

**Part 3: Spiral**

**Chapter 4: From the end to the start**

The cry comes from all sides: from JJ's own throat, from Otabek, from the others behind them who rush forward to engage with the Almaty men. It's a sound of pure pain, a drawn out ' _no_ ' combined with wordless anguish, confusion, shock. Blackness swims around JJ's vision, blinding him to all but Yuri as he and Otabek fall to their knees either side of him. With shaking hands they turn him over, red starting to spread beneath him, and lean in close over his face. He's still breathing, albeit shallowly, and when they take his hands he grasps them back, looking up at them both with glazed eyes.

“I... thought I... told... you...” he rasps, his voice weak under the sound of the rain. “You... shouldn't...”

“We couldn't,” says JJ. The breath he gasped in when the gun fired turns into a painful lump in his throat that he struggles to speak around. He squeezes Yuri's hand, hoping he understands how much they love him.

“I'm... sorry,” Yuri whispers, his bloody lips trembling minutely as he squeezes their hands back. “I'm... so sorry.”

“Don't you dare,” says Otabek as fiercely as he can with tears threatening. “Don't apologise like that. We're going to get you to the hospital and they'll fix you up and you're going to be fine.”

Yuri gives them a weak smile, shivering. “Fuck, I'm... really... cold.”

“No no,” says JJ, clasping Yuri's hand in both his own. “Yura, stay with us, _please_.”

It strikes him how pale Yuri looks, a slender slip of white against the dark, wet ground, blond hair stained red and matted around his face. His green eyes are luminous in the night: JJ drinks in the sight of them, remembers the way they look when he laughs, bright and full of life. He hears Viktor speaking sharply to the men but the words are lost to him. All he can think of is Yuri.

“I'm sorry for... getting us... into... this mess,” breathes Yuri.

“Don't apologise,” repeats Otabek, kissing Yuri's fingers. “This wasn't your fault.”

Yuri half shakes his head. “If I... I hadn't... killed him... this would... wouldn't have happened.”

“Sssh,” Otabek says, shaking his head and furiously blinking away tears. “Stop talking like that – you're going to be okay.”

Yuri's gaze slides to JJ's face; he lets out a shaky sigh and squeezes both their hands again. “I... love you. I love you both... so much. I'm... so lucky.”

“ _We're_ lucky,” says JJ, choking back a sob and kissing Yuri's knuckles. “We love you more than anything and when we get this all sorted out we'll go somewhere really nice, maybe the beach.” The words spill from him without thought, his voice wobbling. “Would you like that?”

A slow smile lifts Yuri's lips and he nods a little. “Sounds nice.” His eyes flutter closed and he sighs again. “Really nice.”

Otabek leans in closer again. “Yura, keep your eyes open, stay with us.” His hair falls wetly forward, sodden with rain, and he pushes it back distractedly. “Stay with us.”

“Please...” says JJ, touching a gentle hand to Yuri's face and suppressing a wave of sickening shock at how cold his skin is. “Yura, please hold on, please.”

Yuri drags in a shuddering breath and opens his eyes once more. “Thank you,” he whispers. His grip slackens and his eyes slowly close again, his chest sinking.

The world lurches on its axis, JJ's heart stopping.

“Yuri?” Otabek asks, shaking his shoulder gently. “Yuri wake up!”

When Yuri doesn't move, Otabek's face crumples, and he and JJ give themselves over to heartbroken sobs.

 

Yesterday, standing in Viktor's office, Yuri felt his blood run cold and sheer panic flood his system. If the Almaty men had caught up to them...

“I need to go,” he said, looking at them both with an attempt at a glare. “I need to get Otabek and JJ and get out of here.”

“You don't,” said Viktor, putting his hands flat on the desk and leaning on them. “You can't keep running.”

“Watch me,” replied Yuri. “Do you have a car?”

“Yuri,” said Yuuri, walking around and putting a hand on his shoulder. “Viktor's right – if you run now you'll never stop.”

“Well what am I supposed to do?” demanded Yuri. “They won't stop until we're dead.”

“All of you?” asked Yuuri.

A peculiar feeling grew in Yuri's gut at the words: though most of him was still aching to get away and internally screaming at the pair of them to _just let him go_ already, he also had a strange sensation of lightness in his chest, as though Yuuri had found some kind of exit sign for the abyss in which he was tumbling. Even as the first part of him started to screech at himself in frustration, he scrutinised Yuuri, eyes narrowed.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

Yuuri tried a small, grim smile. “I may have an idea.”

 

The rain is still heavy when they finish dispatching the Kazakh men; Yuuri looks up at the dark sky to see no sign that it will let up any time soon, the man under him groaning as his knee drives harder between his shoulder blades.

“Yuri's dead,” says Viktor firmly to the man Georgi has pinned to the wall. “He fulfilled his end of the deal so get out.”

Allowing his gaze to travel down the alleyway, Yuuri feels a wrenching in his heart as he takes in the sight of Otabek and JJ helplessly weeping over Yuri's prone form. He knows he can't do anything to help right now, when he still has work to do here.

“Don't you even think about fighting back,” continues Viktor. “Those two are under my protection, as was Yuri. If you try anything else I won't hesitate to kill you and if you have any idea who I am you know that I am not lying.”

He gestures to Yuuri, Georgi and Mila, all of whom step back from their charges to let them stand once more.

“Now leave,” repeats Viktor. “Go and tell your boss it's over. If I find any of you still in Saint Petersburg by daybreak, they'll wish they'd died faster.”

The men leap back into their car and it screeches out of the alleyway, leaving behind only the smell of petrol and burnt rubber. As one, the small group turns to look down the alley again, where Otabek's head has lifted and he's glowering at them. He staggers to his feet, JJ watching him without getting up himself.

“You let them get away?” Otabek growls, fire blazing behind his eyes. He takes a step forward as they approach. “After what they did you're letting them go?!”

“Otabek,” says Viktor softly. “They need to take the message back.”

“ _Bullshit_ ,” hisses Otabek. “They all need to die for this. That would send a perfectly good message.”

“Just trust–”

“I _don't_ trust you!” Otabek cries, throwing his hands in the air. “Yuri was right not to! You let him...” He trails off, his face pale and anguished in the street lights' glow.

Though Yuuri was readying himself to get between him and Viktor, he no longer thinks it will be necessary: all the fight leaves Otabek in that moment and he drops to his knees again. With the quietest clearing of his throat, Viktor throws a look Yuuri's way and Yuuri steps forward, touching a gentle hand to JJ's shoulder.

“May I?” he asks, grateful when JJ shuffles over to let him kneel down.

The rain soaks straight through the knees of Yuuri's trousers, the cold seeping into his tendons, and he looks down at Yuri's pale face. With slightly trembling hands, he reaches out and unzips the hoodie Yuri wears. Underneath is a thick vest which Yuuri also opens, undoing the snap fastenings as quickly as he can while Otabek and JJ watch in silent confusion. For a moment, Yuuri's heart seems to stop and the world goes quiet as Yuri remains motionless on the ground, but as soon as the last fastening opens sound explodes back into existence. Yuri takes in a great gasp of air, coughing around his saliva and rolling onto one side to retch on the wet ground.

With a sigh of relief, Yuuri puts a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asks. “It took a little longer to get rid of them than I expected.”

Yuri nods shakily, one hand lifting to cup his opposite deltoid. “They... got me...”

“What?!”

“I don't... think it's deep. Really fucking hurts though.”

“Still.” Yuuri pulls put a handkerchief from his breast pocket and presses it to Yuri's arm to try and staunch the bleeding. With a glance at JJ and Otabek, he sees them both staring between him and Yuri in utter confusion.

“Otabek, please hold this,” he instructs, letting Otabek take over from him and pulling off his tie. “We need to get you some proper medical attention.”

Yuri grimaces at him. “I said it's... not deep.”

“Yura?”

JJ's voice is quiet and baffled, a question in the cold, wet air. It seems to wake them all from the daze they've been in – suddenly both Otabek and JJ are repeating Yuri's name like a mantra, touching his face and hair gently as Yuuri patches him up. It's a rush job on a dirty, waterlogged patch of ground, but it will hold up for a short time.

“I don't understand,” says Otabek as Yuuri finishes with the bandage. “How... how did this happen?”

Yuuri pauses, halfway through trying to get Yuri into a sitting position. In his arms, Yuri is wincing in pain, gritting his teeth against it, and his face is disturbingly pale. “We'll have to explain this while we're getting Yuri somewhere I can fix him up better,” he says. “In the car – _now_.”

They obey, letting Yuuri nudge them into the back of the car while he and Viktor get in the front. As much as Yuuri would prefer to be close to him and keep an eye on him, he knows Yuri wants them more. Once they hear Georgi's car pull away from behind them, they set off, driving fast through the dark streets.

“We had a plan...” says Yuri finally, cradling his injured arm – the makeshift bandage around it is already beginning to blush red with blood seeping through. So much for it not being deep. “Yuuri's been... working on these vests – they're like... super-bulletproof.” He takes a deep breath and releases it slowly before continuing, “We thought if... if they thought... I was dead... then they might finally give up.” He stops again, looking between them from where he sits in the middle. “I'm... sorry I scared you.”

They sit silently for several long moments. From where he cranes round in the front seat, Yuuri can see the other two exchanging looks with each other and glancing at Yuri, slumped in his seat. Yuri looks exhausted, Otabek and JJ completely bewildered, and Yuuri doesn't blame them: the last thirty-six hours have been a wild ride for everyone. All he can think about is getting back and cleaning out Yuri's arm properly, but even his stomach twists nervously at the silence in the car. Beside him, Viktor is unspeaking and white knuckled behind the wheel, concentrating on getting them back as quickly as possible.

The tension breaks at the next red light: the jolt of the car brings JJ and Otabek back into themselves and they trade one last look before leaning in together and enveloping Yuri in an embrace. Yuuri sees the way Otabek's chest presses into Yuri's arm and Yuri gritting his teeth but stays quiet: the scene is not something for him to intrude upon.

That is until he sees Yuri suddenly shudder and sag further in their arms.

“Yuri? Yuri!”

Panic floods Yuuri and Viktor floors it.

 

Consciousness comes slowly to Yuri – when it does all he can think is how much everything hurts. Pain radiates down his arm, making his fingers twitch and jerk on the blanket, and when he flexes them it makes his shoulder twinge too. He winces, eyes screwing shut further against the pain, and his head swims.

“Yuri?”

Slowly, reluctantly, Yuri opens his eyes, turning his face away from the light in the room until his eyes can adjust. When he gets his eyes open properly he sees Viktor sitting by the bed. His face is pinched with concern, pale and drawn; his hair is lank and messy, and he has a blanket around his shoulders.

“You look rough,” croaks Yuri; Viktor chuckles.

“You got shot – I was worried about you. It didn't translate to looking particularly great.”

Yuri closes his eyes again, his vision going red with the light coming through the thin skin of his eyelids. “Where are we?”

“The hospital,” says Viktor. “I know it wasn't part of the original plan but you needed more than Yuuri could do. I got you here as fast as I could and did what I could for a cover story. Don't worry about it right now though – we'll talk about it later.”

Flexing his fingers again (and suppressing a soft groan), Yuri asks, “How... long have I been here?”

“Including the investigative surgery, two days, or thereabouts,” says Viktor. “I told JJ and Otabek to go home and get some rest, promised I'd call them the moment you woke up. Shall I?”

Yuri thinks about it for a moment but then jerkily shakes his head. “No, I... Let them rest.”

Viktor nods, settling back in his seat. “I'll text them in a bit – if that's okay.”

“Yeah...” Yuri tries to sit up but immediately reconsiders when his arm burns suddenly.

“Anything I can do?” asks Viktor.

“Water,” says Yuri; his tongue feels fuzzy with dehydration. Viktor helps him sip some water before they both return to their previous stillness. The machine by the bed beeps regularly and outside the room Yuri can hear dulled sounds of other people moving and talking. On the other side of the bed a couple of IV drips have been set up, the tubes connected to his healthy arm. “What... happened? With my arm I mean?”

Viktor stiffens. “They... said it was pretty damaged.”

“It's broken?” Yuri's thoughts feel sluggish, slow.

“It's... one of the bullets hit the bones in your upper arm,” says Viktor. “They were all but shattered. Between that and the bullet wound it was really messy...” He pauses briefly, hesitating. “And Yuuri mentioned that Otabek put some weight on it in the car when you passed out.”

Bile rises in Yuri's throat. “Did he say that to Otabek?”

“No,” assures Viktor. “And he won't – it wouldn't be fair, he didn't do it deliberately.”

“So I... Will it heal?”

“Hopefully,” says Viktor. “You're awake, which is a good sign. You suffered a lot of blood loss though.”

“I did?”

“A lot of it in my car,” says Viktor with a nod.

“Sorry...” Yuri says automatically. He knows how hard it is to get blood out of fabrics.

“Don't be,” says Viktor. “I just want you to be okay.”

Yuri slowly moves his fingers again – they feel slightly less tingly than before. “Will I be okay?”

“The doctors said with some physiotherapy you should make a decent recovery,” explains Viktor. “We'll have to make sure we get your cover story straight.”

“Anything I need to know now?”

Viktor gives him a wry smile. “Your name is Yuri Nikiforov,” he says. “As far as they know we're brothers.”

Yuri snorts, half laughter and half derision. “Seriously?”

“They wouldn't let anyone stay with you that wasn't family,” says Viktor. “I didn't want you to be alone when you woke up.”

“Oh...” Yuri blinks at him. “I... thanks.”

“It's fine,” says Viktor. “I tried to argue for Otabek and JJ to stay with you first but... they refused because... well...” He looks apologetically at Yuri. “Sorry.”

Yuri shakes his head – it's not like he's not used to it. “You tried.” Only barely consciously, Yuri goes to touch his ring, but sudden fear spikes as he feels his finger bare. “Where's my ring?”

“Don't panic,” Viktor says, leaning forward and putting one hand on Yuri's. “They took it off you when you arrived – I kept it safe.” He pulls the ring from his pocket and holds it up. “They said it would be best to leave it off while you're recovering – they wanted to cut it off but JJ managed to get it in time.”

Yuri sinks back into the bed, trying to relax. “Okay... Sorry, I...”

“It's fine – I'd be the same.”

“Is everyone else okay?” Yuri remembers the desperate fear that made him run.

“They're fine,” says Viktor. “Shaken but no injuries.”

“Good.” Yuri shifts on the bed slightly, frowning. “How upset are they? About me lying to them?”

Viktor shrugs. “They're more worried about you getting better – you're lucky; they love you so much.”

“So are you,” says Yuri sincerely. “Yuuri's... amazing.”

Viktor smiles – the first real smile Yuri's seen on him since they all arrived in Saint Petersburg, heart-shaped and joyful. “Isn't he?” he asks. “I'm glad you think so.”

Yuri gives him a small smile. “Hey, Viktor?”

“Yes?”

“Can we stay here? Like... actually stay, not just until something better comes along?”

“You want to?”

“Well, I need to talk to JJ and Otabek about it but... would that be okay?”

Nerves twist in Yuri's stomach despite himself until Viktor smiles again and nods.

“Welcome back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Immortal](https://youtu.be/679vp4WubSA) \- Marina and the Diamonds


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here ends this project! I really hope you've enjoyed it and thank you to anyone who's read, left kudos or commented on this fic - every little bit of love for this makes me super happy!
> 
> With regard to future projects, I'm planning to spend January writing a follow up to Leathers, a biker AU for Wicked, so if that sounds like your kind of thing please stay tuned!
> 
> I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and wish you a happy new year. :)

**Epilogue**

Tossing his duffel bag into the boot of the car, Yuri straightens and rolls his shoulder. His arm still twinges sometimes, even now, but it's vastly better than the alternative. That night doesn't feel like it was months ago now but he knows it was.

After getting out of the hospital, Yuri spent a week in bed; Yuuri tried to insist it be at his and Viktor's place but Yuri refused point blank and Yuuri had to satisfy himself with visiting daily instead to keep an eye on Yuri's condition, occasionally bringing Georgi as an extra pair of experienced eyes. Between the cast and the brace, Yuri never knew his arm could be so _itchy_ , but he tried hard not to complain, not when he knew how lucky he was to even be alive (and not to have needed metal screws put into his arm). For the most part he feels okay. His arm is weaker than before – the physiotherapy helped a lot but sometimes it feels weirdly heavy and tingly, and the extensive scar on his upper arm will serve as a permanent reminder of everything that happened.

Part of him dreaded leaving the hospital to return home – back to Otabek and JJ and the life they half built while trying to figure out what they were even doing here – but the rest of him couldn't wait to be with them again. At first, even the prospect of seeing them in the hospital had felt strange; Yuri had had to squash down feelings of doubt and remind himself that it was just them, the two men he loved the most in the world. Still, there had been a lingering worry in the back of his mind: what if they couldn't forgive him? What if he said something stupid (again) and upset them (again)?

The moment he saw them, however, he knew they had forgiven him – both were only concerned with him being okay and getting him home as soon as possible. When Yuri told them he couldn't wear his ring for a while, they came back the next day with a chain on which to wear it around his neck, and a bag of clean clothes. Not only that, but they also brought hugs and kisses, sweet words about how much they wanted to keep him from harm, how glad they were that he was okay, how much they loved him, no matter what. It had taken some time – Yuri's mind has always been stubborn – but soon any lingering doubt melted away and he himself admitted everything he had been feeling to them one rainy afternoon when they were sitting in the hospital room playing Scrabble. As much as Yuri had shrunk away from the idea of telling them all of it at first, he also knew he needed to, and blessedly they understood. Between the three of them, they talked it all out, and by the time he was discharged not one of them could wait for him to get home.

“Is that all you're bringing?”

The words bring Yuri out of his reverie and he turns to look over his shoulder at JJ.

“I don't need much,” he says. “It's only a short trip.”

“Did you remember the brace?” Otabek asks, coming up beside Yuri and dropping his own bag into the boot.

Yuri nods. “Yes, and the creams and the wrist weights and all the other shit I'm supposed to bring,” he says, voice not quite a frustrated sigh because he knows he needs to bring it all and that it's not their fault. “It's all there: I'm just good at bag Tetris.”

“Just checking,” says Otabek with a grin as he closes the boot.

Yuri walks round to the back door of the car, getting in as Otabek gets in the front and JJ gets behind the wheel. As the engine turns over, rumbling into sound, and JJ pulls out into the street, Yuri watches the buildings around them sliding away. Getting into cars with the other two still sometimes reminds him irresistibly of the journey from Almaty; he feels a slight tension in his gut that they're not driving faster, but he tells himself that no one is chasing them now. Finally, he thinks, they're not running anymore.

At the end of the road, JJ looks briefly over his shoulder with a smile. “Left or right?”

 

THE END

 


End file.
